


When Heartbreak Came First

by Kaikasei



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Affairs, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, M/M, References to Drugs, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:02:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 32,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25919272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaikasei/pseuds/Kaikasei
Summary: It was Kenma's first year at University, he thought it would be filled with hanging out with his old friend Kuroo, watching volleyball games and studying. Little did he know how much things would change on his first night on campus.Exert (Written in Kenma's POV)The shot hit me pretty quick, I found myself feeling warm and dragging my feet. I was but no means drunk, but I guess I wasn’t sober either. I made way through the crowd to the door and slid it open. I was about to call out to Kuro, thinking he was alone, but right as I opened my mouth the subtle movements made the small dim light catch onto someone else’s cheek. Someone whose lips were currently keeping Kuro’s occupied and didn’t even notice I had opened the door. I felt frozen, what was this feeling? I wanted to turn away but I couldn’t, I could feel my heart racing, am I drunk? No, I don’t think that’s it, it feels like someone is squeezing my heart and alcohol has never felt like that for me even when I’ve been drunk. I couldn’t make out who the other person was, that was until a few seconds after me being there, he tilted his head and for a moment, just a brief moment, he opened his eyes and looked directly at me. Shit...
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 3
Kudos: 65





	1. This Wasn't The Reunion I Was Hoping For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing anything in First Person, but since Kenma isn't much of a talker I wanted to try and go deeper into expressing thoughts and feelings! So this is mostly written from his POV.

_‘I finally made it. I made it to university, my dorm is all settled, I’m here and the work is done.’_ I look over to my roommate, my former teammate Shohei. Although I was on the same team with Shohei, I honestly don’t know anything about him. Neither of us have made much effort to get to know each other or talk in general for that matter. I’m happy I got him as a roommate. Neither of us decided to join the volleyball team in university, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t going to miss it from time to time. Some of the people I knew from my high school days are on the team, one of them being Kuro, my childhood friend. _Which reminds me, I need to go find him._

I bowed my head to my roommate as I left the room and headed towards the center of the dorms part of campus. That's where all the sports teams had their own houses, I guess it could be considered all the same as a frat house. This college has some of the best volleyball players in the entire country. The ones I knew of consisted of Kuro, of course, Kotaro Bokuto, Oikawa Toru, Miya Atsumu, and Nishinoya Yuu. It would have been pointless for me to bother joining the team, despite Kuro’s constant texts on the matter, I’m not competing against renown setters. Not to mention, any other position requires too much movement.

I open the doors to the volleyball team house and instantly get greeted with a familiar loud shouting coming from the common room, I followed the hyena laugh that accompanied it and found Kuro, Bokuto, and Oikawa sitting in chairs and sofa. Oikawa was the first one to look up at me, apparently whatever was so funny to Bokuto and Kuro he did not find as amusing. “Oh, look what the cat dragged in” he remarked with a faint trace of a smirk. Kuro looked and instantly hopped up and was by my side with an arm around my shoulders “Kenma! I told you to text me when you were unpacking. You got it all done, didn’t you? I said we would help!”

“We?” Oikawa remarked but subsequently was ignored as Kuro continued “Whatever, it’s your first weekend on campus, classes don’t start until Monday, which means tonight, we celebrate!” A roaring agreement came from Bokuto, Oikawa’s face didn’t hint to too much excitement, but there was also no trace of dread either so I assume he was also in agreement. _I guess, tonight we celebrate. I’m not sure what we’re ‘celebrating’ but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s really just code for ‘we want to party.’_

I didn’t get to spend much time with Kuro before the party. The three of them went off to buy liquor and spread the word of the party, and I went back to my dorm to shower and change. I was hoping to spend more time with just Kuro today, the last time we hung out was the summer before he went to college, since this past summer my family went overseas before I started university. But I guess hanging out with him at the party will do. I asked Shohei if he wanted to come, which he promptly denied. He seems to already prefer his hangout at the library. I also think he got a girlfriend over the summer, supposedly she comes here too. I’m not too sure, I don’t really care to ask either.

I was supposed to be there at eight, but Kuro told me people don’t usually show up until about ten or so, so I took my time getting ready. I checked my phone as I walked over, it was almost nine. This should give me some time to get some one on one time and maybe help set things up. I sent Hinata a text while I walked, he sent me about six today wanting to know how the move in was going so I should probably reply.

As I walked up I could already hear the loud music, people were walking in and there was some hanging outside. ‘What happened to people coming at ten?’ I couldn’t even count how many people I saw upon walking in. How am I supposed to find Kuro?

I kept diving in, I didn’t recognize the majority of the people I saw but couldn’t seem to find the one I was looking for. Almost on queue I heard the hyena laugh leading me again, this time towards the kitchen. This dorm really was set up more like a house, the sports teams get treated so well and can get away with pretty much anything, so long as they’re winning. The kitchen was massive, and the island was filled with a circle of people. I recognized a few more people, I saw Atsumu and could see not much has changed as he was chatting up some chick. Nishinoya and Tanaka, they were teammates with Hinata, were sitting along the counter. In the center of everyone was the three from earlier, Kuro, Bokuto and Oikawa, along with Akaashi. Funny enough, I didn’t know he came to this school. As I was walking up Kuro looked my way “Yooo Kenma!” he shouted, _had he already started drinking?_

I walked closer and he grabbed my arm to pull me in even closer “Everyone I need you to listen up!” The kitchen fell quiet, he must’ve had some power when it came to the volleyball team and those who hung with them. “This is my childhood friend, Kenma. If you fuck with him, just know you’re fucking with me” he announced triumphantly. I hadn’t noticed it before, but everyone was holding beer, they all raised their bottles and I heard a few mixed welcomes from the small crowd. It wasn’t long after I was also holding a beer, although I didn’t particularly want it, I sipped from it here and there.

As the night went on more people showed up and the entire house had groups of people hanging around. I was sitting on the arm of the couch, next to me was Kuro, then came Bokuto and Akaashi. Oikawa was sitting on the couch opposite along with Nishinoya and Tanaka. They had shown up later but Sugawara and Daichi also came and were sitting on the floor in front of the table between the couches. I had just learned that they started dating after graduating, even though Suga didn’t come to this school since he started working for his family, but he drove Daichi up to help him get settled in his dorm. Tendou Satori also showed up, and to no surprise of my own he brought a bong with him which was currently being shared with most in the circle, I passed. Now I was not only not drunk, but also not high, unlike everyone else. I was really hoping to get more time with Kuro, but I guess this is okay for tonight, I wasn’t having a bad time.

I offered to get a few beers for those on empty and made way to the kitchen. As I was entering, I saw another familiar face. _Tsukishima Kei? I heard he had graduated early from Hinata, but why was he here?_ We made eye contact but didn’t say a word. I came back with the drinks and now, on a newly crowded couch was Tsukishima sitting next to Kuro. I handed out the drinks and sat on the floor, opposite from Daichi and Suga.

“Tell me Kenma, why didn’tcha’ want to join our team? You surely could’ve gotten in.” Bokuto’s words were kind of slurred, but at least it made sense unlike half his sentences even sober. “I didn’t see a need for a setter on your team.”

“He’s not wrong” Oikawa didn’t waste a beat, even under the influence he was still sharp of the tongue.

“I heard Atsumu has been getting more attention lately, didn’t want you to get more bitter than you already are.” I replied, maybe I was slightly tipsy as I normally wouldn’t waste time pestering Oikawa of all people. I could hear Kuro stifling a chuckle, so I lowered my head with a slight smile.

“So Tsukishima,” Oikawa carried on as if not hearing me, “when are you going to officially join the team? You practiced with us all summer; coach really wants you.” _So that’s why he’s here, and he’s been with them all summer?_

“Yeah Tsukki! Your reads are better than anyone else on the team, and in practice you and Kuroo could block out every spike. Even Bokuto couldn’t get through!” Noya chimed in and Bokuto mumbled a slightly sad remark on getting one one touch this week.

Tsukishima didn’t say anything at first, but eventually followed with “I told the coach I’d decide by the end of this week, so we’ll just see then.” Despite being the youngest, Tsukishima was probably the most mature one in the room.

“Okay~ I’m bored with the team talk. I vote, we take a shot and replace this ash we’re hitting. Moving this to the kitchen?” Tendou announced abruptly. Everyone was intoxicated, but I guess they were still pretty functional, I don’t know how wasted they wanted to be but there were a few more steps to really being there. Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, Tsukishima, and Kuro all followed Tendou out, I’ll admit I was a little surprised Tsukishima was going to take a shot.

“Oh come on sweet cheeks, you really planning to stay sober all night?” Kuro called out to me, I looked back at him but didn’t reply, should I take one? Might not hurt to loosen up a little… “Alright fine, but I’m coming back for you” he continued after only a brief pause with a wink before walking off.

“Bokuto does the same to me.” I heard Akaashi reply as I turned to face him. “He always flirts with me when he’s drunk, but never sober” he chuckled, but it didn’t really feel like a joke.

“Kuro does it all the time, I’m pretty used to it.”

He sighed, “Well I guess that must be nice, or pretty annoying. Probably can go both ways.” I’ve never really thought about it, so I guess neither. “You didn’t want a shot? You don’t have to take one, just looked like you were debating there.”

I bit my inner lip for a moment as I debated before ultimately getting up “Yeah, I’ll take one.”

“I’ll go with you.” We both walked into the kitchen, it hadn’t been too long since everyone else had left, surely less than five minutes, but they were all scattered already. Seems as though they had taken their shot, but I couldn’t find Kuro.

“Yo Akaashi!” Somehow, Bokuto was even louder than usual, “why won’t you let me take you out on a date?”

“Why don’t you try asking me when you’re sober.” Akaashi left a small flick on Bokuto’s forehead as he whined and then leaned up against the definitely-not-as-drunk other. Still, as he held up Bokuto, Akaashi manages to pour out two shots and slid one over “There you go Kenma.”

I knew I would hate this; I’ve drunk before but that doesn’t mean I’ve gotten used to the taste. Still, I downed the shot and began looking around again. “If you’re looking for Kuroo, he stepped out on the porch” Oikawa seemed to have read my mind, but I guess it wouldn’t be hard to read.

The shot hit me pretty quick, I found myself feeling warm and dragging my feet. I was but no means drunk, but I guess I wasn’t sober either. I made way through the crowd to the door and slid it open. I was about to call out to Kuro, thinking he was alone, but right as I opened my mouth the subtle movements made the small dim light catch onto someone else’s cheek. Someone whose lips were currently keeping Kuro’s occupied and didn’t even notice I had opened the door. I felt frozen, what was this feeling? I wanted to turn away but I couldn’t, I could feel my heart racing, am I drunk? No, I don’t think that’s it, it feels like someone is squeezing my heart and alcohol has never felt like that for me even when I’ve been drunk. I couldn’t make out who the other person was, that was until a few seconds after me being there, he tilted his head and for a moment, just a brief moment, he opened his eyes and looked directly at me. _Shit._ He raised his hand and slid it through Kuro’s hair, his hair that despite being completely up and wild was so soft and silky, I felt sick. I closed the door, it felt like I was staring for eternity when in reality it was a mere few seconds, but I was going to be sick. I felt dizzy, my mind and heart were racing but also empty, I had no solid thought or feeling, what is this? I was in a haze, but I found myself in the kitchen again “Did you find him?” Oikawa asked as I entered “Oh… Yeah, I think he was busy with Tsukishima.” No reply, Oikawa merely looked away. _Did he know? Has this been going on for a while? Why didn’t Kuro mention it, it couldn’t be a regular thing._

“Hey Akaashi, could you tell Kuro that I went home? I’m just really tired.” He nodded.

I don’t know why but my eyes felt heavier than my feet as I dragged my way back to my dorm. I wasn’t tired, but I didn’t want to keep them open, as if they’d just fall right out if I did. I texted Kuro, told him I got home safe. _As if he cares… no don’t start, of course he cares. I never thought Kuro would still be a virgin or anything, of course he’s been with other people. I just… haven’t seen it…._

This wasn’t the reunion I wanted.


	2. What Is This Feeling?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Kenma be able to figure out what that feeling from the night before was? Maybe a visit with his friend Hinata can inspire him as he gets some news from him.

When I woke up I wasn’t hungover, so that was good. Also means I wasn’t as drunk as I might have thought. _So what was that feeling? Thinking about that moment again, that one moment on the porch, thinking about Kuro and Tsukishima pressed up against each other as they locked lips, the way Tsukishima’s hand slipped so smoothly and confidently through Kuro’s hair, he knew I was watching. Did he do it just because I was there? What was he trying to say… I feel sick again._

I checked my phone, Kuro texted back with a drunk photo of himself holding a thumbs up, _what an idiot._ I also had a text from Hinata, he said he would be in town today with Kageyama, I guess I could see him for lunch.

When I got to the café they were already there, “Kenma! Over here!” I had already seen them before Hinata called my way, but nonetheless I made it over to sit across from them. Kageyama with his blank expression as always and Hinata immediately going off at ten questions a second. It was nice to catch up.

“So did you get to catch up with Kuroo? I bet you missed him since it’s been over a year, right?” Hinata asked.

“Yeah, I got to see him. He had a party at the volleyball house.”

“Volleyball house?! You hear that Kageyama? I want to go and live in a volleyball house!”

“You couldn’t even get the grades to be accepted into a school anywhere near that level.”

“Hey! You can’t talk, you’re just as much of an idiot as I am!”

I tuned out their bickering for a little as I drank some juice.

“… but I thought when we started dating…” _Wait. Did I just hear Hinata right?_

“You guys are dating?” Kageyama immediately glared at Hinata who threw his hands up in defense. “You said no one in school could know so that way the volleyball team wouldn’t think it would affect them. Kenma isn’t in our school or on any opposing team!” _He hadn’t mentioned this before through text._

The meal was good, as we were leaving Kageyama went to get better service so they could figure out how to get to a certain store, that left me with Hinata. “So… how did you two start dating?”

Hinata looked at me for a moment before he smiled “I just figured it out one day, I liked everything better when he was around, so I wanted to do more with him than just play volleyball. After spending so much time together, I confessed. Don’t get me wrong he’s still a huge pain in the ass, but yet, I still love him.”

I nodded as I looked down at my feet. I think he knew why I asked, even if I didn’t know why I asked.

“Oh, hey I heard Tsukki is at your school? Have you seen him?! That’s so cool he could be so good and have the grades to skip a whole year and get into a university volleyball team!”

“Yeah, I’ve seen him.”

“Did he seem well? He doesn’t reply to my texts anymore.”

“Seems so… Hey, wasn’t he close with that server on your team?”

“Yamaguchi? Yeah, there were really good friends!”

“Do they still talk?”

Hinata hummed for a second “I don’t really know; I don’t think so to be honest. From what I heard Yamaguchi has been spending a lot of time with Yachi. I don’t know when they got so close, but I know from Yachi they hung out a whole lot over the summer.”

Kageyama walked back, he found their route. I said my goodbyes and left walking towards the bus station. _‘I wanted to do more with him than just play volleyball’, huh. Why was I… almost jealous of the fact Hinata figured his feelings out just like that? I guess he never ceases to amaze me._

I got back to campus, I didn’t even think about it but instead of heading to my dorm, I was going to Kuro’s. _I should talk to him, I want to... I think I want to spend more time with him too. Do I have feelings for him? I… I think I need to find out._

As I entered the house I peaked into the living room, Bokuto was stretched out on the couch as he was using Akaashi’s thighs for a pillow. Akaashi, who was playing with Bokuto’s hair mindlessly as he was on his phone, looked up at me with a small greeting smile.

“Kuro around?”

“Upstairs, second door on the right.” I nodded as I went upstairs and knocked on the door, I could hear the groggy voice inside asking who it was. I opened the door and peaked my head in, it was only around one in the afternoon but surely, he couldn’t still be in bed. Kuro, laying in his bed with his laptop on his lap and a notebook at his side looked over and smiled “Oh Kenma! Come in.”

He closed his laptop and put his notebook on top before setting it down on the nightstand next to his bed. “I thought classes didn’t start until tomorrow?” I asked. “They don’t, I’m just going over some strategies from coach and trying to build some of my own by reading up on the other teams.”

“How’s your head?”

Kuro chuckled, “It’s fine, I have a small headache but nothing major. You left so early last night, so I’m sure you woke up just fine, huh?” I nodded, _how do I bring up everything? Do I mention what I saw? Did Tsukishima tell him I saw? But, what do I say about my feelings? How do I… express wanting to spend more time with him, just him?_

Before I could bring myself to say anything Bokuto swung the door open and held up a pack of cigarettes “Time for hangover cure?” he looked at Kuro with his usual grin before looking at me “Don’t worry, we don’t smoke often. And, what coach doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Did I have a troubled look that he felt the need to say so? “Does smoking actually help?” _I don’t remember if I had heard it before or not, but I think I heard it can make it worse. Truthfully, I never tried. Bokuto merely waved his hand dismissing my question, maybe it helps him, or he’s just an idiot._

“I’ll be right back, you can get comfortable.”

I sighed after the door was closed “I don’t know how to do this…” I muttered to myself. I go back and forth in my head as I fall down on his bed, it was so soft and comfortable, and the sheets smelled like him. _God, I love his smell, I missed it and I want to stay here. I want to just tell him; I just want to say it ‘Kuro I love you.’_ I immediately sat up. _Wait, did I just say I love him? Do I love him? Is that what this feeling is? I need to calm down and focus on what I’m actually going to say to-_

Suddenly the phone that Kuro left behind on his bed lit on. I didn’t even think about it before reaching over and reading the text from its lock screen.

“Tsukki” : I’m free for the rest of the afternoon. Come over.

My heart sank, there’s that sick feeling again. Is this what it is? Am I in love? Am I jealous? I hate this, I hate this, I hat-  
“Okay I’m back!” Kuro grinned as he leapt himself next to me, causing me to bounce on the bed when all I wanted was to leave and be alone, I don’t know where my thoughts are at all.

“You reek of smoke.” Was the only words I could barely mutter out, although I could hardly smell the smoke it was so faint. He was only out there such a short amount of time. Kuro grabbed his shirt and tugged the collar up to his nose to smell “Ah damn, do I?” he rolled himself out from bed and tugged his shirt off. It wasn’t like I hadn’t ever seen him shirtless before, but this time, as I looked out of the corner of my eyes, I felt a lump in my throat. I wanted… I wanted to look, I want to be pressed against him... like I saw Tsukishima was…why do I suddenly feel this way? It hasn’t crossed my mind before, but I guess I never saw Kuro like that with anyone else so i didn’t have that image...I don’t fucking know.  
I dropped his phone on the bed “I think Tsukishima texted you. I gotta go.”

“So soon? You just got here, I thought we were gonna hang for a bit?”

“I… I forgot I promised Shohei we’d study the first lesson we’re expected to go over in Biology. I’ll catch you later.” I didn’t even give him another look before bolting out of there. _I hate this, I hate feeling this sick, I hate that I couldn’t talk to him, I hate Tsukishima for texting him when he did, I hate Kuro for not telling me something was obviously going on, I hate all of this._

As I walked out Bokuto, Oikawa, and Nishinoya were all sitting outside still smoking.

“Kenma” Bokuto shouted at me causing me to stop, although I wanted to keep on walking. I have to at least act like everything’s fine, last thing I need is to be pestered about how I’m feeling. “Come, sit with us for a few minutes!”

“I actually have to go meet up w-“

“Nonsense, you can sit with us for a little while!”

I chewed on my inner lip as I contemplated before going and sitting next to Oikawa. Nishinoya was going off to Oikawa about something, I really couldn’t be bothered to listen to his rambling. Bokuto, who was standing and leaning against the house, came and sat next to me.

“So, is Tsukishima going to be joining the team?” I don’t know what prompted me to ask, but I had to.

“It looks like it. He worked with us really hard over the summer, he would even stay late which is totally not his thing.” 

Bokuto replied, I felt like he was trying to examine me, but I don’t think Bokuto is that intuitive on that level.

“Will he be moving into the house with you guys?”

“No, since he has a dorm contract because he didn’t join the team before the semester started, he’ll have to stay there for this semester.” I nodded silently. “Is this about Kuroo?”

I looked up at him blankly “I don’t know what you mean?”

He nudged my shoulder fainting a smile “Ah don’t take it much to heart. You two are still close, Kuroo would do anything for you. No one would get in the way of your friendship.” _That’s not what I’m thinking._ “Everyone just, likes Kuroo, you know? He’s pretty outgoing, and not bad looking.”

“So does that mean you’ve been with him? In… that way?” Why would I ask that, I don’t want to know.

“We may have messed around once or twice last year sure. Nothing serious, Kuroo isn’t really the serious type.” This isn’t helping, I’m such an idiot, how could I think I was in love with him? What’s worse, I can feel Oikawa looking at me. _Please, stop._

“Say, why don’t you ever go after Akaashi? You know, sober.” I had to change the subject.

Bokuto looked out towards his hands for a moment before faintly smiling, it almost looked like a sad smile “You know, sometimes someone is so important to you, that you almost don’t want to touch that relationship, because if it crumples, you have nothing left, ya’ know?”

If he had said that before today, I would think he was losing it, but for some reason… I get it. But then Hinata came to mind. “If you enjoy being around someone, you should spend more time with them. If you have those feelings, you should confess. You might be a pain in the ass, but he still loves you.”

Bokuto breathed out a soft laugh “I am a pain in the ass huh?”

“Definitely.” And with that, I think this is a good time to go ahead and head back to my dorm.

On my way back my eyes crossed Tsukishima walking the opposite way, is he heading to Kuro? Wasn't Kuro meant to go to him? I didn't want to but I couldn't help my feet as they stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk. Tsukishima noticed, and he stopped. As I brought up my gaze to look at him he was giving me his natural cold stare. “How long?” I don't even care if he knows how I feel about Kuro or not, I barely know but I know he'll make an assumption, and he… might be right.

“Couple weeks.” He said with a shrug. A couple weeks? Would it still be going on a couple weeks if it wasn't serious? Surely Kuro would have gotten bored by now if it wasn't serious? I looked straight forward again.

“Do you have feelings for him?” Why would I ask that? 

“Why don't you ask Kuro?” I snapped my head back up, ‘Kuro’? I've always been the only one to say his name like that. “Oh right, he told me to call him that, I guess he likes it more coming from me in bed.” He still had his dead tone but was smirking now.

“Pft” ouch “I'm looking out for my oldest friend. Don't get too comfortable, you're not around to stay. I know him.”

“Like how you knew we were dating?”

_Dating?_

“I saw the look of shock on your face, must not be as close as you thought.”

“Say, whatever happened to your friend? What was his name? Yamaguchi?” He flinched. _There it is, Kuro is nothing but a rebound to him._

“I've got a date I'm going to be late to.”

_I won't let him win_


	3. Summer Throwback (Kuroo POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a throwback to the start of Kuroo/Tsukishima, written in Kuroo's POV is the summer before his second year. Resolving some underlining tension, perhaps?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo's POV, the summer before Kuroo's second year of University. Warning, full smut ahead.  
> WORTH MENTIONING, this is the first time I've written in like over a year, I wanted to make this chapter to practice a bit of smut because I do be rustyy. So keep that in mind LOL

We’ve been practicing since four, it’s about to be eleven. This is the fourth practice in a row this week, I think I’m really feeling it this time. Coach left an hour ago, but goddammit Bokuto really has to get his extra time in. “Yo’, you haven’t been able to get a clean spike all week! Maybe you need some beauty sleep, sunshine.”

“Shut up Kuroo! You and Tsukki are so tall and this damn kid has the reflexes of a trained ninja!” Bokuto huffs, he’s definitely worn out. He sighs and goes to reach for his water bottle as he shakes his head “This is what I get for making Tsukki my other disciple.”

“I’m not your disciple.”

“I taught you everything you know! That’s why it’s so hard for me now!” He whines as he walks up to Tsukishima and playfully punches his arm. “That’s okay, I’m proud of you kid. You graduated a whole year early and made it here! Now all you gotta do is say ‘Yes senpai, I will join your team’ and I’ll be happy!”

“It’s also not your team.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as Bokuto grumbled. “Fine, I’m calling it a night. You kitties don’t stay here too late now!” He waved his goodbye as he left the gym. It’s not the first night it’s been just Tsukishima and I left, I’ve actually come to like it. Despite this guy feeling so impossible to talk to at first, I think we’ve finally clicked and he actually listens to me, go figure.

“Do you mind letting me practice a few sets?”

“Of course… You know you really changed. I remember at our first camp with Karasuno, you didn’t even want to stay after practice at all, look at you now, practicing positions that aren’t even yours.” I chuckled as I reached over to ruffle his hair. He rolled his eyes in return “If I’m going to be a part of this team, I’m at least going to be valuable.”

Our practice sets weren’t perfect when it was just the two of us, I would throw him the ball to set and also spike it, it was a lot of running and more practice for me. On days like this, I don’t know how my body could handle it. And just like that, I was running up for a spike when my knees gave out and as I was about to jump I came falling down instead.

When I opened my eyes after I felt my hands and knees hit the ground, I saw Tsukishima right below me. “Oh shit, sorry I didn’t mean to fall on you!”

“It’s fine, your body is clearly worn out, it’s been nonstop this week.”

I knew that the thing I needed to do was get up, and help Tsukishima up while I was at it, but I couldn’t bring myself to stand. For some reason, I kept looking at him. He has such a rough exterior, but when you really get a good look at him, he actually looks so soft and tender. He's 18 but he has such a strong build, but yet when I look at him right now as he is he really just looks his age. 

Tsukishima wasn't making any effort to get up either, I don't know why but he was holding the gaze I had on him right back at me. I felt myself drawn to him, but I shouldn't. _This isn't some random guy, this isn't someone you can just have for a night or talk to for a week and that's all. He's a teammate. I've messed around with Bokuto before when we've been drunk, but we were drunk, and this feels… different._ I feel myself giving in anyways. I lowered my head, but I stop- hesitating for a moment above his lips, giving him a chance to tell me to stop. _I can laugh it off and say I was just messing with him and head back to my room._ He has a moment, he has a chance, but instead his lips are parted and I can feel his warm breaths subtly hitting my lips. He wants me to. I close the gap and press my lips against his, it's like a shiver going down my spine. _Why are his lips so soft? Why does this feel so good against my lips? I think I want more._ I tilted my head as our lips locked into a deep kiss. I felt his hand come up to my shoulder, was he going to push me away? It felt like that for a second, but as I pressed my body against his and dragged my tongue along his lower lip he gripped my shoulder instead and pulled me closer. He parted his lips further allowing my tongue further entrance as a small whimper passed his lips. _Oh? I think I like that, I think I want to hear it again._ Leaning my weight partially on one hand and partially against Tsukishima I slid the other hand underneath his t-shirt, his skin was so soft while his muscles were so toned, I could hear him gasp with the feeling of my fingers running up his side.

I didn't want to, but I pulled away to catch a breath. I could tell with Tsukki’s short breaths he needed it, heck even my breaths had gotten shorter, not dramatically but still. As I looked at him again, I had never seen Tsukki like this. So soft, so innocent, just a regular guy and not an intimidating power wall. He still had a hand gripping my shoulder, but he slides a smooth hand around my side and along my back. He liked it, and he wanted more, I wanted more. As I was leaning in for another kiss he muttered quietly “Wait, we… We're in the middle of the gym, anybody can walk by we can't, not here…” 

“You know, I think practice is over. Time to hit the showers.” I got up and reached out a hand, Tsukki hesitated but he took my hand as I helped him get up. The gym has a shower room, although since most teams have their own house most choose to shower there instead, so majority of the time it was empty. And this late at night? Not a soul would pass.

I laced my fingers with his as I lead him to the shower room, fully clothed and all I closed the curtains behind us in one of the private shower areas and turned the shower on, if anyone did happen to walk by they can put two and two together, volleyballs were still out so it clearly must be one, or two, from our team. 

The water instantly started hitting us, soaking our clothes completely, but I paid no mind as I pushed Tsukki against the wall, with a hand cupping his cheek as I pressed my lips against his. He muffled a soft whimper, _God, was he always this cute?_ It just made me hungry for more, I pressed my body completely against his as I slipped my tongue past the bit of opening there was between his lips and my hand find way to his hair. I heard something hit the ground, his glasses? I didn’t notice when he took them off, but after he tossed them to the side he placed his hand at my hip, keeping me in place as he was ever so slightly grinding against me. _God, these shorts are already thin, and now they’re so wet I can feel everything, it was almost irritating._ I could feel how hard he was, but there was still this annoying layer between us. My mind was so clouded as I was so busy focusing on his body I didn’t even fight when he pushed my shoulder and my hip to flip us, now my back was up against the wall. _Still fighting for some power even now, huh? Cute._

My breaths were getting shorter so quickly, while my bulge was also getting much harder. Steam was everywhere and I could hardly see, for a moment as I had to adjust, meanwhile my hands were finding their own way and grabbed the edges of Tsukki’s shirt, tugging it up and over his shoulder to throw aside. Before I could make a move he had his lips attached to my neck, I tilted my head and instantly gave out a soft groan. _Damn, now I’m the one who can’t help it._ One hand glided through his hair and got a grip on it as the other slid between us, running along his drenched shorts and down the hard length that was just underneath it begging to come out. I wrapped my hand around as best I could through the material and ran my thumb harshly over the tip, instantly feeling a hard bite down on my neck. At this point we were both mixing in soft moans between our heavy breathes.

Without any notice I felt a hand underneath the waistband of my shorts and boxers and the cool long fingers wrapping around my warm hard cock, sending a shiver down my spine and a new feeling of an electric shock through my entire being. Fuck, I want him so bad. I felt my shirt being lifted, and without much thought I grabbed the ends of it and tossed it off myself. I could feel the warm kisses being pressed down my abs and then along my V line. The water was still kind of cold, regrettably I didn’t put much attention when I put it on, but despite that my entire body was heated and the touch of him felt like jolts. I was so hyper focused on his lips I didn't feel his hands as they tucked my shorts off, exposing myself completely. Fuck, how did he take control of this situation? 

I looked down as Tsukki had knelt down and was looking up at me, damn, I could look at this forever. My hand got a tight grip on his hair as the other lifted his chin on to keep his gaze on me “And who let you take over this situation? Last I checked I was the one making moves to fuck you.”

“Oh, so you fell on me on purpose then?” He smirked, even now he’s still a smart ass, goddamn. “Don’t worry, you’ll still get the chance to do that.” He remarked before sticking his tongue out, despite me holding his face he still was within reach to teasingly flick his tongue across the tip of my cock, making my entire body ache from craving him. I dropped my hand from his chin but kept a tight grip on his hair as he raised a hand to wrap around me as he dragged his tongue all along the vein underneath. _God, I want to fuck him so badly._ Soon his mouth was wrapped around me as he began bobbing his head while also pumping his hand. There wouldn’t have been any use trying to stop the flood of moans from pouring out from my lips. His mouth is so warm, it feels so fucking good.

Tsukki pulled back with a smirk, as his hand slowly kept pumping “You’re not thinking of finishing so soon, are you?” 

_Maybe._ “No, of course not.” I smirked as I tugged his hair and also reached to pull him up by his arm. In one swift motion I pushed him to turn around while also bending his back. He gasped as he steadied his hands against the wall and his shorts came down with a quick tug. I stuck two fingers in my own mouth, coating them well before bringing those fingers to his entrance, circling them around and hearing the soft moans he was probably trying to stifle. My other hand smoothed around his hips as I wrapped my hands around his cock, he let out sharp gasp this time and as I started pumping I slipped one finger in. I could feel the shiver it sent through his body as he let out a much louder moan and pushed his hips back towards me. “Oh, so that’s what you sound like huh? I think I want more of that.” I smirked as I began to move my finger in and out before easing in a second one. His moans were steadily pouring out his lips at this point, and I knew just how to make them go absolutely wild. 

I slowly pulled my fingers out as my other hand continued to pump his length slowly, I coated my hand with saliva before using so to coat the entire tip of myself. I pulled my other hand back as I grabbed his hip instead to steady him and using my other to guide my cock to him. I eased in at first, his entire body shook as his breath caught. His hands tightened into a tight ball as they stayed against the ball “F-fuck you’re big…” I could barely hear him as he gasped.

I gave him a moment to adjust, which was driving me crazy, he was so tight it felt amazing, but this had to feel good for both of us. “Are you okay?” I muttered through my heavy breaths. It took a second or two before he nodded and slowly I started to move. His moans were even louder and more needy than before, soon I couldn’t help myself from finding a steady rhythm to pound myself against him. My own moans fell out of my control, he felt so good and his voice was like ecstasy to me, I could hear ‘fuck’ and my name rolling off his tongue here and there and it only made me desperate for more. I leaned over and as one hand stayed gripping his hip the other found way again to his aching cock. He bit his lip as he let out a loud moan “Fuck, Kuroo you… You feel so good I…” I was so hungry to have all of him, but I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer. Granted we’ve been going at it for a while now, but fuck it feels so good I don’t want it to end. 

Not long after the thought I could hear Tsukki’s breaths getting sharper and the moans coming so much closer together “God… Fuck, I’m so close.” he muttered. Without a need for any further words I thrust even faster as i pump his throbbing cock, focusing on the tip as I can feel myself getting closer to cumming so quickly. As everything started to get fuzzy I heard a screaming groan come from him as my hand became completed coated in his cum, I moved the hand to get a firmer grip on his hip as I thrusted aggressively, my entire body was shaking as I climbed, I could still hear him rolling my name off his tongue and I couldn’t help myself anymore, I finished completely inside of him and felt my entire body shiver.

After I eased out of him, Tsukki collapsed to the floor still struggling to catch his breath. I fell to my knees right after and leaned my head against his shoulder. After a few moments of trying to regulate my breathing I lifted my head to look up at him, I raised a weak hand to his face as I turned it my way to press another kiss against his lips.

After that, we always were the last ones to stay after practice.


	4. Falling Out of The Closet...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another party coming up, and this one doesn't ease Kenma's feelings in the slightest. If anything, things are only getting more and more confusing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... Don't even really know how to describe this chapter but uh. At least make it to the part where they play a drunk game. If you never read anything from this ever again at least you've read this MESS.  
> Also. I accidentally created a crack ship I will soon fall in love with.

The first few weeks passed by pretty quickly, I went to my classes, I would eat my lunch at the gym with the volleyball team, Tsukishima was always there. There was only one day this week where Kuro and I ate together, but even though Bokuto crashed it. I didn’t mind. I don’t think Kuro has noticed but I haven’t really known how to talk to him, not that I’ve ever really had to say much to him, but my feelings are so mixed. _Do I love him? The more I think about it the more I become sure that I do. But, for the first time, that scares me, something actually scares me._ Plus there’s this whole Tsukishima thing, after that talk he’s been even more spiteful. I’m sure no one else notices, but the little moves he makes; like the way he glances at me, for just a split second, before he reaches and grabs Kuro’s hand. He wants me to notice, and that makes me even more mad. I thought this wasn’t serious, so why is it looking pretty serious? On the weekends I tried to study, and if not I would sit around with Shohei and his girlfriend. Not that I think Kuro minded, his weekends were most times busy with Tsukishima.

“Earth to Kenma!” Kuro was waving a hand at me and I blinked for a moment pulling myself back to the gym where everyone had been sitting and talking. Seeing he had my attention now he repeated “Are you coming to the party tonight?” _Right, it was Friday night so tomorrow we don’t have classes._

“Another party already?” The first one was a few weeks ago, _God has it already been that long? It feels like yesterday and yet, still seeing those two together, it feels like an eternity._

“We usually try to fill the first part of the semester in with as much nonsense as we can, before practice really starts to pick up and the season begins.” Atsumu explained. It’s odd for him to be the one replying to me. 

“Besides, the first one was agesss ago” Nishinoya exaggerated.

I bit my lip for a moment, contemplating if I should just use an excuse not to go before Kuro reached over and put his hand on my head. “Ahh, of course you’re coming!” Typical, he decided for me. He’s always been like that when it comes to any type of social event, even when I didn’t really want to go. I always did for him.

_I dragged my feet all the way to the volleyball house. I hate this, I don’t want to go, after what I saw last time? Could it get worse? Do I even want to know the answer to that?_

I got there late, there was already a ton of people everywhere, and most of them were already drunk. The group was no different, they were three shots in and somehow Tanaka convinced me to take a double shot to ‘catch up’. I think I just didn’t want to be sober if I had to sit through this night, and with that in mind I took another double shot, the group cheering me on for being bold but I really just wanted to fade them out. “Ah hell yeah! That’s the Kenma I know and love!” Kuro chimed. The first time I ever got drunk was with him, just the two of us trying alcohol for the first time in my room. I miss those days.

“We should play seven minutes in heaven.” Tsukishima announced as we were all sitting around the common room, he said it staring right at me.

“Wow! Look at Tsukki loosening up! You’ve really worked some magic on him haven’t you Kuroo?!” _Tanaka please shut up._

“I’m down!” Kuro was the first to agree, followed by Bokuto, Tendou, Nishinoya, Tanaka, Oikawa, Atsumu and lastly Akaashi. Daichi opted out, I didn’t say anything. Someone put an empty beer bottle on the table, I saw Tsukishima lean over to Kuro and whisper something before he looked at me. “We think Kenma should go first, since he’s been letting loose tonight, we’ll give him the honors.” I looked at Kuro who had his usual playful smirk on his face. _Does he think this is good? Does he think if I get some action that will make me happy or what? I know he would never do anything spiteful towards me, so how did Tsukishima word it to make it sound like this of all things was a good idea?_

With the crowd egging me on while I sat fiddling my thumbs, “fuck it” I said as I grabbed the bottle and spun it. And this point I was five shots and mid beer in, I was past tispy, but not totally drunk-I think. Still, that bottle felt like it was spinning forever before slowly coming to a stop. I couldn’t look up, I couldn’t see who it was.

“Well I guess let’s find a closet huh?” I heard the voice say. _Shit._ I looked up, although I already knew who it was I still didn’t want to see it. But still, I looked up to see Oikawa, wearing an ever so slight smirk. _Was he happy it landed on him?_

Before I could get up Tsukishima interrupted “Since we have two closets downstairs, why don’t I spin? We can set the timer at the same time.” Again, he looked at me as he reached for the bottle. _Is he planning something? Surely this is a game of chance. Unless… Unless he knew who he would land on. Is he pretending to be more drunk, when he actually planned this out? No, has he even tried pretending? Surely I’ve seen him take some shots… but how many?_

My heart sank.

“Why does Kuro get all the fun!?” Tanaka whined.

“Oh, I’m sorry did you want to go a round with my boyfriend? I’ll give you five minutes.” Kuro said with a laugh. _Boyfriend?_

“No no, that’s all you my man. You go have your seven minutes, but only seven! You can’t disappear for an hour.”

“Yeah we’ll see!”

I felt myself stand up, although my mind was not agreeing, my body was just reacting. Before I knew it I was in a dark closet with Oikawa, the only light coming from the cracks of the door where I could hardly make out his frame. I felt a touch on my arm and looked down to faintly see his hand before he muttered “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” _Good._

_They’re in the closet on the other side of the room. They’re making out right now, touching each other too maybe? Not even thinking about me. Well, maybe Tsukishima is, he’s thinking about how I’m here trapped with Oikawa and only thinking of them. Is that making these seven minute even better for you? Fuck him, fuck this, fuck it._

My body, again, reacted before my mind could process anything, but I grabbed Oikawa’s face and pressed my lips against his. This wasn’t my first kiss, but maybe my first time kissing first. He didn’t deny it, he kissed me right back and even pushed me further against the rack of coats my back was facing. I tilted my head with a part of my lips, and he reacted so naturally to deepening the kiss. _Damn, he’s a good kisser. I’m not surprised but still._ I heard a soft mewl muffle between our lips, _was that me? I’m definitely drunk now, but still very aware of what’s happening, but that sound seemed to come without warning._ It did, however, prompt him to turn and push me against the door instead, our lips never lost touch. He ran his hand down my thigh before lifting it, my leg was raised allowing his hips to press against mine. I realized my hands were knotted in his hair, was I liking this? He broke the kiss, I was able to catch my breath for the first time just for it to get caught in my throat as he pressed his lips against my neck. I have to admit, I’ve never made out with someone like this.

It was in an instant, but I found myself now on the floor, but no longer in the closet. The light hit my eyes and it took me a moment to adjust but as they did I looked up at Noya, who was grinning. I had fallen completely back and Oikawa had fallen on his knees right between my legs, his hand still holding my thigh. I looked over at Kuro who, I guess had also finished their seven minutes. He looked...surprised? Tsukishima was wearing his typical smirk I hate so much. “Damn, you guys were going at it! Didn’t even hear us knock that your time was up huh?” _They knocked?_

The rounds continued, Noya and Atsumu, and Bokuto and Tendou went next. Afterwards followed by Akaashi and Bokuto, and Atsumu and Kuro. I’m pretty sure it was meant to be Atsumu and Tsukishima, but as the ‘most sober one’ Tsukishima said it definitely landed on Kuro. He also added “I don’t care what you two do, just as long as he’s returned in seven minutes.” _You don’t care? But you clearly don’t want to kiss anyone else as you’ve been evading spins, but you’re okay with it being Kuro?_

The next round came, Tanaka spun and landed on Noya, it was the first time Kuro had spun despite the fact he’s already been in the closet twice tonight. We announced it was the last round and afterwards it was time for another shot. The bottle finished spinning and I didn’t even look who it landed on. 

“Alright Kenma, this time keep it to seven minutes!” Noya yelled out as he got up to go towards his closet. _Huh?_ I looked at the bottle and sure enough, it landed on me.

I had a huge lump in my throat, of course out of anyone I would’ve picked Kuro, but to actually have it happening? I looked at Tsukishima, who seemed completely unphased. _God, I hate him._ “Only seven minutes.” He said blankly and offered the fakest smile I’ve ever seen. Kuro, on the other hand, also did not look bothered, I couldn’t read his expression exactly though. 

“Alright angel, let’s go!” He said with a wink. Again, I found myself in that dark closet. This time with a completely different feeling. _I want this, I want him, but I’m scared because I love him._ Just as Oikawa had, Kuro started off the bat with “If you’re not comfortable we can just sit here and talk for a few minutes. You’re good.” I had a strange feeling there was something specific he wanted to bring up, but this was a chance, maybe my only chance. 

This time when my body reacted, my mind was fully there when I wrapped my arms around Kuro’s neck and brought him closer to press my lips against him. He smelled like alcohol, but he also just smelled like him, that sweet familiar smell that really made me feel like I might go crazy in this instant. His lips were so soft and I...I just wanted a taste, I parted my lips and dragged my tongue along his lower lip. _Damn I’m being bold? Liquid courage maybe._ But with that invite Kuro’s tongue greeted mine, wrapping around it as the two entangled. God, he tasted good, behind that taste of alcohol is his taste. A pleased sigh fell from my lips, and this time I wasn’t mad at it. Despite all the time we had spent together and the times we had drank together, we’ve never kissed. And god, was I missing out, this is intoxicating on its own. One hand fell from around his neck and gripped his shirt instead, I want him, I want him closer. His hand was at the small of my back, pulling me tight against his chest. I wanted more, I wanted to feel his skin against mine. My hand let go of the grip on his shirt and slid underneath instead resting at his waist, he felt so warm. I don’t even care if I was so obviously needy, I couldn’t even help myself. 

With a gasp I felt him pull away, I looked up at him, I could see him clearly, the door opened and light was clearly showing the two of us. _Why the hell did that not seem like seven minutes?_ He was looking down at me and with a soft smile, a smile I had never seen from him before, he pecked my lips before he let me go and walked out the door. I wanted to cry.

The reality again sunk in, he’s not mine. He wasn’t in there because he wanted to be in there with me, it’s not me he’s choosing to kiss. I had him for seven minutes but again, he’s not mine. I hate Tsukishima, and I need a drink.

Tanaka and Nishinoya were arguing, apparently they were playing rock paper scissors but couldn’t see well enough to actually determine a winner, figures. Meanwhile, as we all walked through the other crowds and created a space for us in the kitchen, Oikawa poured the shots. I took mine instantly and asked for another. Oikawa raised a brow but didn’t argue as he poured me another. I didn’t realize but Kuro was beside me, he leaned down on the counter and looked at me as he talked softly so only I could hear “If you start to feel sick let me know, okay? You can lay down in my bed. Also, if you have time later I still wanna talk.” He smiled, his usual wide and kind of goofy smile before he nudged my arm and walked back over to Tsukishima. _What did he want to talk about?_ Either way, the thought instantly left my mind as I saw Tsukishima throw his arms around Kuro’s waist, the waist that my hand was just against feeling the warmth of his skin. I grabbed another beer and went to go sit in the common room again. I hate him, he can’t keep Kuro. I was alone only for about a minute or two, alone was also a loose term as there were groups of people everywhere, but Bokuto, Akaashi and Oikawa came in afterwards.

“One of these days I’m going to ask you to marry me, and you’re going to say yes!” There Bokuto goes again, only having the courage to face his feelings when he’s drunk. Am I no better?

The room was spinning, those shots hit me and I already down more than half this beer. I was drinking way too fast and my body wasn’t used to this. _God, I couldn’t even hold a straight thought._

“You okay?” I looked over to see Oikawa looking at me, he was also drunk, you could tell, but I probably looked wasted at this point. I was so done and not even trying to pretend to be having a good time tonight. I felt like my world was coming undone and I was too tired to try and catch the falling pieces. I sighed puffing out my cheeks a bit but nodded “Yeah, great. Just, it’s hot in here.” I don’t know why I said that, but it was still true. The alcohol warmed my entire body, plus there were so many people around. 

“Do you want to step outside for a little while?” to which I nodded.

I left my drink on the table as we stepped outside, I probably stumbled a few times making it out there before leaning on the railing of the porch with a sigh. Oikawa didn’t say anything at first, which I didn’t mind, but he finally broke the silence. “I think he’s an idiot, by the way.” I looked over at him, confused. “Kuroo, I mean. I think he’s an idiot. All this time he’s had you right in front of him, and he still doesn’t see it.”

I scoffed as I shook my head, mumbling under my breath “I don’t think anyone would.” I don’t know what prompted me to say it, or when that thought had even crossed my mind, but it felt true.

I felt a nudge at my arm and looked up at Oikawa again, “Hey don’t say that. I think Kuroo’s lucky to have you looking at him the way you do. Anyone would be lucky.” Was Oikawa, being nice to me? I don’t know what’s happening. I didn’t even have a response, I just sighed and hung my head. “Here, why don’t I walk you back to your dorm?” I looked up again at him and nodded. Maybe calling it a night was a good idea, I don’t know how much more I could take in one night. 

We walked back to my dorm, mostly silently, we did exchange a few words but none that I really retained to memory. I do know I was stumbling so much more, and for Oikawa also being drunk he did pretty well at catching me every time. When I got back to the dorm Oikawa looked around “Where’s your roommate?” 

I looked over to the empty bed and shrugged “I don’t know, his parents house for the weekend, or his girlfriends dorm.” It was late, so it was unlikely he’d be coming home tonight.

Oikawa looked around the room before picking up my trash can from my desk and placing it by my bed and opening the mini fridge in the middle of the room and taking a water to set on my night stand “Just in case, and you also need to hydrate.”

How was he still so functional? I know he was drunk, he had too many shots not to be, and yet here I am feeling like a kid wanting to be carried because my feet are so heavy. I sat down on my bed with a sigh. “Thanks Oikawa, I...appreciate it” 

I kicked off my shoes as he sat down on the bed right next to me and put a hand on my head briefly “If it’s alright I’m going to stay here for a little while and make sure you’re good. Plus have some water myself so I make sure I make it home.” He breathed out a soft laugh as I nodded and turned to face him.

“You’re not as bad as I thought you were.” I’ve completely lost the ability to think before I speak.

He rolled his eyes but held a smile “Well, thanks.”

“You’re a good kisser too.”

This time he genuinely laughed “Well that I had no doubt, but thanks.” 

Everything was still spinning so I found myself leaning my head against Oikawa’s shoulder, to which he raised a hand and was softly petting my head, it felt nice. It felt nice to not feel alone, and to have someone there giving such a gentle touch. I liked it. I looked up as he looked at me, and I couldn’t give someone a reason why, but I felt the need, for the second time tonight, to lean into him and press my lips against his. He didn’t fight it, again he returned the kiss and this time was the first to part his lips, I responded with the same falling completely into a deeper kiss. 

It felt slightly different than the first time, the first time felt like he was maybe hesitant, but this time he was completely in. I could feel his tongue tracking along my lips, seeking for the okay to enter and explore more, which I promptly gave. I could taste him, he didn’t taste like Kuro, but it was still good. I pulled both hands up to his shirt and tugged him, making him move as I leaned back laying down on the bed and he positioned his body over me. He pulled back from the kiss as I bit down on my own lip, almost wanting to have had him there a little longer, but I looked up to him seeing a soft smirk as he mutters “Maybe I should pick up where I left off.” Before I could process what he meant he had his lips against my neck. I gasped, I didn’t know this felt this good, why did I like it so much? My hand knotted in his hair once again as the other gripped on a belt loop to his jeans. I couldn’t help but let out a moan as he bit down on my neck, biting down harder on my lip to try and control any sounds. But with his body pressed against mine, the room was spinning even more than it already was. I could... I could feel him, his jeans had gotten so tight, and I was almost as surprised to realize so had my own. _Am I seriously getting this turned on by Oikawa right now? Fuck._

I gave his hair a tug as I pushed my hips back up against him, causing him to breathe out a groan. I couldn't tell you what prompted it, but I grabbed the ends of his shirt and tugged it off. Following suit as I already had to lean up slightly to get his shirt off, he had gripped my shirt and started pulling it off, tossing it to the floor. His lips had returned to mine and I was welcoming it wholeheartedly in an aggressive kiss. I didn’t initially feel his hand slide between our bodies and undo my jean buttons, but I did feel his cool hands trace along the waistband of my boxers which sent a shock down my spine. I bit down on his lower lip and tugged as he scratched his nails over the skin at my hip. I pushed my hips up again at him and gripped my own pants, not even thinking before I started pulling my jeans down. He pulled away to let me kick my jeans off leaving me with my boxers left. _God, I don't know what is happening but I feel so hot right now. I just-I need him..._ He pressed back into the kiss, I was losing my breath between the kiss and my soft whimpers, but I didn't mind it. His fingers were sliding along the waistband of my boxers again before teasingly running a finger over the throbbing bulge in my boxers. I muffled a moan against his lips and fumbled with shaky hands reaching to undo his jeans. With a tug as a signal for what I wanted, he kicked them off a lot smoother than I had mine. I got a hold on the band of his own boxers and gave it a pull as I once again pushed my hips up against his and soon felt his cool fingers sliding underneath my boxers. I felt my body aching, my body was telling me it wanted this, it needed him... but my mind was saying no. I pulled back from the kiss instantly and tried to catch my breath, my sudden jerk back caused Oikawa to pause. “Are you okay?” He whispered softly, his lips were still so close I could feel his breath. When I didn’t say anything he prompted again “Do you want me to stop?” I hesitated, but subsequently nodded. Without another second to waste Oikawa was no longer above me, instead he had fallen on his side beside me in bed and his hand that just a moment ago was in my pants was now laying across my chest. 

I raised my hand to push the stray strands of my hair out of my face before I softly rested the hand on top of his. He moved his thumb to trace over my fingers as he leaned his head against mine. I was still processing what had just happened, but at this moment, I wasn’t upset laying here and cuddling Oikawa. I don’t know when we fell asleep, but we eventually did.


	5. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last we left it Kenma had fallen asleep, still drunk, with Oikawa in his bed after a makeout session. The night before was a mess, so the morning after couldn't be any worse, right?

It was the next morning and I heard the door hitting against the wall, someone came in. I didn’t want to open my eyes but I forced myself to anyways, _God my head is pounding._ I peak my eyes open, the light was hurting but I had to focus, I started making out a figure and I could see Kuro standing in the doorway. _Why was he here, and what time is it?_ I look over to my side to see if my phone was there but instead I see a still sound asleep Oikawa. I froze. _Oh shit._ I looked down, The blanket was covering our boxers, which I had to double check were still on, but we still had no shirts on, clothes completely thrown on the floor. I looked back up at Kuro as I sat up “This isn’t-” I was about to try to explain, even though I hardly remember the details myself, but his surprised expression fell back too easily to his natural one as he cut me off. “I didn’t mean to barge in! You just didn’t text me back so I had to make sure you got back okay. Seems like you did, so I will leave this here, make sure you drink it!” He left a sports drink next to my bed to then walk right back out the door, pausing he turned back with a smile “Try to not stay in bed all day” he winked playfully before disappearing in the hallway. I looked over to see my roommate still standing in the hallway, he must’ve let Kuro in. _God this is awkward._

My roommate left and I fell back into bed, glancing again at Oikawa who seemingly was unbothered by the noise. I reached over to my jeans and dragged them closer so I could grab my phone. 11 unanswered texts and 2 missed calls. Seems like he was outside my door for at least half an hour before Shohei let him in. 

The first text was interesting. It was from last night “Are you still here? I still wanted to talk if you’re around.” _That’s right, I forgot he had something to talk to me about. I should go over later and find out what that was, and also explained that nothing happened here last night. Did nothing happen? The details are so fuzzy…_

I felt Oikawa shuffling beside me so I put my phone back down, trying to put beside me what Kuro had just seen, he seemed fine after all, but even so I’ll explain later, it’s fine. Oikawa opened his eyes and yawned before he shifted closer and put his head on my shoulder as his eyes closed again, _why was that so cute?_ After about a minute he opened his eyes and yawned again as he sat up. I never really paid too much attention but Oikawa actually has a pretty nice body, I mean of course he did, athletes should have one, but I guess I never really cared to look before... _Wait, why am I now?_ I looked away, I could feel some heat on my cheeks.

Oikawa broke me out of my thoughts as he finally said “Good morning~ How’s your head feeling?” He looked over to me as I started to sit up and reached for my head as I felt it pounding. He laughed softly, I guess that was an answer enough for him. “If we were at the house I’d say I’d make some good hangover eggs, but since I’m not want to get some food at the diner?”

I reached over and grabbed the drink that Kuro had left and cracked it open “Yeah we can do that.” I muttered before taking a sip. Oikawa looked at the drink before tilting his head. “Oh, huh. I don’t remember seeing you had any of those?” He motioned his head towards the drink.

“Kuro stopped by, I forgot to text him so he was checking to make sure I didn’t fall into a ditch somewhere.” I let out a soft laugh and offered the drink to Oikawa who shook his head.

“When did Kuroo come?” 

“About 10 minutes ago, maybe less. He was only here for a minute.”

He let out a laugh, but it sounded a little forced? “What did he say about me being here?”

“Nothing, he didn’t let me say anything really either… Not that I entirely know what I would say.” I muttered, maybe I can get some memory back if Oikawa reminds me.

He paused for a moment looking at me, “Do you remember nothing from last night?”

“I remember up until we got here, then there’s just… gaps…”

“I could help remind you.” I wasn’t sure if I was ready for what was about to happen but either way Oikawa leaned over, he had both hands flat on the bed next to each of my thighs and he lightly placed a kiss on my lips. I remembered kissing him in the closet, and I faintly have the memory of kissing him in my bed last night, this softness felt familiar, and I wasn’t so opposed. A lot less opposed than I would have expected myself to be. He pulled back just a few inches, enough to look at me again before adding “And that was all, nothing more.” 

“So, we didn’t…?”

He hopped over me and picked up his pants that were laying on my floor “Nope, you didn’t want to, so that’s okay” He looked up at me with such a gentle smile, did Oikawa always have this side to him? I can be certain I’ve never seen it before. “Let’s go get breakfast eh?”


	6. That Morning (Kuroo's POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The same morning but from Kuroo's POV
> 
> I, again, don't normally write in first person, but since I was experimenting I took the chance to get a different perspective to add more detail to the story.

_Kenma hasn’t texted me all night, I don’t know what happened after he disappeared? I’m really going to get the brat for making me worry like this._ I was sitting in front of his door, waiting for any signs of life but the one slowly dying was me. I was so tired, I couldn’t sleep at all last night. _I have to admit Kenma really surprised me. The only person I’ve ever known him to kiss before last night was a girl. He never really shows an interest in people, but I honestly didn’t think he’d have a thing for guys. But when Oikawa and him fell out that… really threw me off guard. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that. I was going to ask him about it when we had our turn, but then he kissed me like that...It’s been replaying in my mind so much I almost feel guilty._

I really like Tsukishima, more than I expected to honestly. At first I figured he was only going along with things to get over someone else, but over time I feel like that’s really changed, I feel like we’ve grown into an actual relationship. But when Kenma kissed me… I’ve never felt anything like that before, it was-

I looked up, to see Shohei smiling brightly at me, it’s been a while since I’ve seen him. “Shohei! Hey, I’m just here to make sure Kenma got home alright, brat forgot to text me.” I laughed as Shohei reached for his keys and allowed me to open the door.

When I opened it, I was relieved to see Kenma, knocked out in bed. What I didn’t expect was to see Oikawa right next to him. _Do they even have any clothes on? They’re shirtless but the sheets are covering if they are naked or not. What… How did this happen?_ There was a pit in my stomach and before I knew it I forgot to catch the door and it hit the wall which seemed to wake up Kenma. _Do I say something? Do I ask about it? Oh no, Kenma looks like he’s about to say something, I don’t want to know, not now_ “I didn’t mean to barge in! You just didn’t text me back so I had to make sure you got back okay. Seems like you did, so I will leave this here, make sure you drink it!” I put the drink I had honestly forgotten was even in my hand on his nightstand and went to walk back out. I turned forcing myself to smile and threw a wink “Try to not stay in bed all day.”

_That was awkward, Kenma looked like a kid who got caught stealing cookies before dinner. Was this even the first time Oikawa’s been over? It looked like Kenma didn’t want me to see. I shouldn’t be thinking about it. What do I care? Kenma has every right to be with whoever he wants, that’s right. I don’t care._

I went back to my room and tried to have a power nap. We didn’t officially have practice today but most of the team was going to show up for practice anyways so I didn’t want to be late.

Oikawa was late to practice, was he still with Kenma until now? No, wait- I don’t care, remember? 

After practice I checked my phone before heading back to my room. I had a text from Kenma “Hey, if you still want to talk you can swing by after practice. Shohei will be out again and I only plan to study some.” I don’t know if I really want to go… _But I should. I should know if those two are a thing, and it’s not like Oikawa would tell me._

I told Kenma I was on my way 15 minutes ago, it was only about a 10 minute walk but I took my time. Finally, I managed to make it to his dorm . I hesitated but knocked, eventually. Kenma opened the door and I slid in, going to sit on the edge of his bed as he sat in the desk chair it seems he was sitting and studying in before I got there.

“How was practice?” He started

“It was fine, just the usual.” 

He nodded slowly, he looks like he’s thinking about what he wants to say carefully.

I cut off his thoughts “So, if you’re seeing Oikawa that’s okay. You don’t have to keep it from me, you know.”

He looked caught off guard by my directness, and I don’t know if I was even ready for him to reply to me. But still he did “We’re not seeing each other. We didn’t.. Do that last night.”

I wanted to breathe a sigh of relief, but I held it in. I shouldn’t be relieved, it shouldn’t matter to me. 

“Also..” Kenma started “About our kiss…”

“Oh, don’t sweat it. It was just a game, right? Honestly you caught me off guard but you’re a real sport for actually playing the game.” I let out a laugh, I just brushed it off like it was nothing, but I think mainly I didn’t want to hear him say it was nothing. I felt something, and I keep thinking about that something, and I need to stop. 

Kenma slowly nodded “Right” he muttered underneath his breath. _Was he caught off guard with my directness again? Or was he going to say something else? Did it mean something… No, stop._

“Ah, it’s pretty late! I should let you get some rest. Plus, Tsukki picked us up some dinner so I better not be too late. I’m glad we could clear everything up!” I smiled as I jumped up, Kenma only nodded and I headed off. _Fuck, I felt so much tension. This isn’t good, I need to figure this out._

When I got back I walked into the common area where Tsukki was waiting for me, he looked up and greeted me with a small smile, as I went to sit on the floor in front of the table he leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek. _See, this is where I need to keep my mind at. I really like him._

“I noticed Oikawa never came home after walking Kenma last night.” Tsukki mentioned out of nowhere as we were eating. Even though he doesn’t live here it’s not unusual for him to spend the night with me.

“You noticed they left together? Why didn’t you mention anything?”

He shrugged “I didn’t want you to jump to any assumptions. You went over to Kenma’s this morning right? Was Oikawa still there?” 

I pushed around my food for a split second before forcing out a laugh “ Yeah, he was there. Yah! You should have told me! I wouldn’t have needed to go, Kenma was just so drunk I wanted to know he got home and didn’t fall in a ditch!”

“You would’ve went to check on him even faster if I had told you.” He might not have been wrong. “See?” He replied to my silence.

I look up at him and reach out my hand to hold onto his “You know I’ve just always looked out for him, it’s hard to just quit.”

Tsukki put down his chopsticks to use his free hand to pat mine “I know. At some point he will have to fend for himself though.”

“Oh I know that he can, I guess it’s just my own peace of mind to know that he’s okay.” I raised up tsukki’s hand to kiss the back of it as we went back to finishing our meal.


	7. Lazy Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a short fluff chapter!  
> Honestly didn't expect to like the idea of Kenma and Oikawa but hng, it grew on me so quickly so I had to throw in a little bit of softkawa

It was Sunday so thank god I didn’t have to get out of bed early for class. Today was really just going to be a lazy day, I’ve decided. Stay in bed and play video games all day kind of Sunday. 

_‘It was just a game, right?’_ I could still hear Kuro’s voice. I don’t know what I expected when I brought up the kiss, but for him to shut it down so quickly... _ouch._ I touched my lips, the taste of him had completely faded, well, it’s not like it lasted long. The night did end with Oikawa after all. Speaking of which, the morning with him wasn’t so bad. I never really had a chance to get to know Oikawa, not that I really cared. I’m pretty sure the only person he was ever close to was that one kid on his team, what was his name, Iwaizumi? I think he went somewhere overseas if I heard correctly. 

There was a knock at my door, I wasn’t expecting anyone? Did shohei forget his keys? I went to open the door, _speak of the devil,_ Oikawa was standing there with a smile. “Okay,” he started as he walked right in “I don’t know a whole lot about this game system, I might have had to ask my nephew how to actually use the control, but I stole it from the house for the day. If Tanaka asks you don’t have a clue what he’s talking about. But, I figured if you actually studied yesterday like you say you would, you’d be free today?” 

I knew he was good at reading people but damn. I couldn’t help a small smile falling upon my lips before I laughed “I’ll wipe the floor with you in any game you brought.”

He smiled and helped me set up the system to my monitor and turn my desk into a makeshift entertainment center. Normally I play games alone, Kuro has been the only exception, but I guess this is okay too.


	8. Beach House Disaster (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Midterms coming up, students have the week off to 'study' ; which naturally means time to party for most. What should have been a fun weekend getaway quickly turns into a night that can make or break relationships.  
> Part 1 of 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I use parties for the past 3 big interactions, it doesn't stay that way things do happen sober LOL, but with these circumstances in the beginning, a not-so-sober mind can reveal a lot. ANYWAYS HOPE YOU'RE NOT LIKE "CAN WE GET A DIFFERENT SETTING??" Like, you will I promise

Midterms were coming up quick, so we had a week off to study before exams. Most people spent it studying, Shohei stayed locked up in the library. I passed my time studying here and there, but mostly I’ve spent my time between the gym with the volleyball team since they were getting ready to have a lot more matches after midterms, and Oikawa. I’ve seen him every day, since I always eat with the team, but he’s also been showing up a lot. Not that I particularly have any complaints.

There was a party, surprisingly I’m planning to go despite it not being at the volleyball house. Tendou’s parents own a beach house that’s a little over an hour outside the city, so a bunch of people are carpooling and spending the weekend there. I wasn’t too particularly interested, but since the rest of the volleyball team was going, both Oikawa and Kuro made it a must for me to go, so I guess I’m going.

I was packing a few extra clothes as Oikawa laid on my bed tossing around my volleyball that I kept laying around “This is probably going to be a huge party. So many people booked rooms in the area so the entire beach is going to be filled with students.” he breathed out a laugh before he dropped the volleyball onto the floor and turned on his side, “everyone on the team gets to stay at Tendou’s though, some have to share a room, we picked straws and I guess I lucked out and got one of the rooms to myself.” he paused for a moment “do you want to go ahead and stay with me?” 

I was in the middle of folding a shirt so I took a moment contemplating, it’s not like I haven’t been in the same bed as Oikawa before. I guess we have been getting really close lately and it would be better to stay with him than an entire room with a bunch of other guys. I turned towards him and nodded “Yeah, sure that’s fine with me.” 

He shot up from the bed as he clasps his hands “Okay, perfect! I gotta go finish packing, so don’t be late. Daichi said he’s not afraid to leave us, so be there at the house in an hour” and with that, he was out.

When I got to the house Sugawara was waiting in the common area with Daichi, Bokuto and Akaashi. I sat with them but it wasn’t long before we were separating into who’s going with who. Tendou was going to take Bokuto, Akaashi, Nishinoya and Tanaka, a bit of a cramp fit but they’ll make it. Suga borrowed his dad's van so he was able to fit Daichi, Kuro, Oikawa, Tsukishima and myself. Atsumu was also driving, so he was taking other members of their team. As we were packing the car up to leave Kuro walked up “Oh, by the way. If you wanted to, you could stay in the room with Tsukki and I. That way you don’t get stuck having to listen to Bokuto’s obnoxious snoring.” He laughed, I honestly haven’t had a lot of time with Kuro since the last time we talked. _I don’t know why but I feel this weird air whenever we did talk. Like he’s on edge, or maybe I’m on edge? Maybe kissing him made things weird, I guess I shouldn’t have done that._ “Actually, I’m staying with Oikawa”

“Oh… Okay, great!” He patted my back with his usual grin before walking away to get into the car.

The car ride didn’t feel so long, we left pretty late to avoid as much traffic as possible, but when we got there it did feel good to stretch my legs. We all set our stuff in whatever room, first come first serve. Oikawa had gone in before me so when I walked into the house I saw him on the stairs, he smiled and prompted me to follow. 

When I got to the room which was in the far corner of the top floor, my eyes immediately drew to the window, they had such a crisp clear view of the ocean. It was actually pretty nice here. 

“I think I got the best room in the house, if I do say so myself.” Oikawa claimed proudly, I’m sure all the rooms had a pretty good view, at least the ones on this side of the house, but I let him have his moment. We walked out in the hallway and walking out from the room next to ours was Kuro followed by Tsukki. “Ah, looks like we’re neighbors!” Kuro chuckled before we all got downstairs.

It was maybe only another hour or so before the house was filled with people and the music was blaring. Good thing the neighbors aren’t too close, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they could still hear us. 

I already had two mixed drinks and was on my third when we were all hanging out in an open living room, there were quite a few people that I didn’t know with us but everyone seemed to be having a good time. This one girl, she might have been on the track team? She looked familiar. Either way, she pushed herself to the middle of the circle, chugged down what was left of the bottle of beer in her hand, and slammed the bottle down in the middle. How that didn’t break, I’ll never know. “Spin the bottle!” She claimed with a bright smile, how much has she had to drink?

She looked around the group and raised a finger “Kuroo! You’re first.” I can’t be certain, but I think this may have been the girl the teammates always joked about her being in love with Kuro. Was she hoping in some way she would get lucky and it’d land on her?

Kuro, not being one to ever back down, scooted forward “Alright, here we go.” he rubbed his hands together for dramatic effect before spinning the bottle. 

_You’ve got to be shitting me._

I heard her whine from across the table “You could spin again if you want!”

I stared at the bottle pointing right at me. _You’ve got to be kidding, isn’t a kiss what made things awkward with me and Kuro in the first place? I’ve thought about that kiss, I’ve dreamt of another one, but I also remember that painful feeling afterwards. This is hell._

“The rules are the rules, I got who the bottle picks!” Kuro replied to her, she was disappointed. Kuro got up and then crouched in front of where I was sitting. I felt absolutely frozen in place, was he really going to? _Well I guess last time he brushed it off as just a game, so this isn't any different, right? Fuck._

He was looking me straight in my eyes for a few seconds, there’s that weird tension again. I don’t know what this is, I hate it. He raised a hand to hold my chin before he leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. I felt that jolt again, but it only lasted maybe two seconds before he pulled away. He looked at me again and stayed for another few seconds before standing up “Alright, who’s next!” he proclaimed as he went back over to sit next to Tsukishima. I don’t know why my eyes were glued to Kuro, but when he sat back down he was looking right back at me. I need to drink. What’s worse I could feel Tsukishima’s eyes also on me.

The game went on, I finished my third drink and got bored so I got up to go get another. As I was looking through the alcohol Oikawa walked up holding a different bottle and waved it “Some of this maybe?” He asked with a smile. I got the cups as he poured the alcohol. This was going to be a strong drink, I poured the juice to mix. “Tsukishima doesn’t seem like he’s having a good time.” he muttered with a laugh.

I took a sip from my drink and shrugged, he’s not my problem. Oikawa took a sip from his own cup, he was looking at me but I couldn’t exactly tell what he was thinking. Did he think I had something more to add? As if I’ve ever cared what Tsukishima is feeling. I waited for him to say something, but instead he put his hand on the counter and leaned closer to me. It caught me off guard but he kissed me, just a brief peck, maybe to test my reaction? Because he went in again after a momentary pause, I blindly put my drink down on the counter as I returned the kiss. We hadn’t kissed since the morning after the last party a few weeks ago, but his lips were as warm and soft as ever, boy did I not mind the surprise. He slowly moved his body to be right in front of mine without breaking the kiss as we turn, both hands of his are now on the counter as my back leans openly against it. He parted his lips and for the briefest of moments I felt his tongue, but before I could react there was a voice of someone entering the kitchen and Oikawa had already pulled away to look to who it was. 

It was Kuro. “Is that what you guys are drinking?” he asked again as he pointed to the bottle Oikawa had pulled out. 

“Yeah, want some buddy?” I could hear the slight annoyance in Oikawa’s voice, I don’t think he wanted us to be interrupted so soon. _I don’t think I wanted us to be interrupted so soon either. Or… wait do I mean that?_

Kuro came over, Oikawa was still in his position in front of me, locked between his arms as they laid on the counter. Kuro looked at some of the juices for a moment before looking at Oikawa with a smile and handing him his cup “You wouldn’t mind pouring me some, would you?”

Oikawa didn’t move at first, he was definitely annoyed. Ultimately, he grabbed the cup from Kuro’s hand with a smile but no reply, and went and poured the alcohol in the cup, his was going to be a strong one too. Kuro went and added some juice, I don’t even think he added that much. Regardless, Kuro chugged the drink, that can’t be good, he’s already had more to drink than I have. He walked again up to Oikawa and playfully punched his arm with a wide grin “Let’s get this party started, huh?” He looked between the two of us before he walked off. Oikawa didn’t move for a moment, something definitely just happened, but I’m not all too positive as to what. 

He leaned in and planted another kiss on my lips before he took my hand and laced it with his, “I guess we should be getting back to the group, huh?” I nodded as I grabbed my drink, and in his spare hand he grabbed his and we went back to join the others.

I fell into going through the motions of the group. I was more tuned out than usual, this is the second time I’ve kissed Kuro and Oikawa in the same night. I get that instant spark with Kuro, like I yearn for him. But with Oikawa, it’s so calming, he can make my heart race but still feel so comfortable. I don’t know why I’m comparing the two, it’s not like I need to pick one, it’s just… such a strange feeling.

Oikawa went off to go smoke in the back with some of the other teammates as I stayed and sat with Akaashi.

“So you and Oikawa huh? Gotta say I didn’t see it coming before a few weeks ago.” I blinked looking at him, did we seem like we were together? He read my expression and continued “Oh come on, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed? He’s been all over you. I think it’s even making Kuroo jealous.” _Jealous? Why would he be jealous? I feel like I would have noticed if it was something like that… but then again, maybe not. I’ve never seen Kuro jealous, would I even be able to see it?_ “So, do you like Oikawa?”

I contemplated for a moment, is that what it is? I liked being around him, our hangouts have been pretty nice. I liked kissing him, is this...is this what Hinata felt when he spent more time with Kageyama outside of just volleyball? “I…think so.” I almost whispered it, but Akaashi still caught it and smiled “I thought so.” 

Kuro walked up “Yo, Kenma! Have a few minutes? I wanted to show you something!” 

I looked at Akaashi for a moment before bowing my head to get up and started following Kuro. _This wasn’t a good time, am I just realizing I have feelings for Oikawa? But, I think I still love Kuro... this is so confusing, feelings are horrible._

We walked out through the front door but started walking our way towards the back. _Did he avoid the back door because Oikawa was there? No, he might not even know he’s there. I don’t need to start overthinking everything._

We walked the back of the property to the beach, as we reached the sand Kuro kicked off his shoes and left them there as he walked on the sand before turning back to look at me “Come on! No ones going to take them, there’s a spot I want to show you!” I hesitated for a moment before I kicked my own shoes off and promptly followed.

We were walking for a few minutes before we were in an area that didn’t have houses in front of it but instead was more rocky, there was a point that was the end to this side of the beach where the rocks curved and met the water. In front was a big tree trunk that had fallen in the sand, Kuro went and sat on it as I followed. He looked out towards the ocean, there were no lights so you could clearly see the moon and the stars in the sky, all of which reflecting from the water. You don’t see sights like this often when you live in the city.

After a few minutes of silently taking in the scenery, Kuro switched to sit facing me, one leg pulled over to the other side of the trunk. I didn’t look at him right away but when I did, he seemed as if he was observing me. It took another minute before he broke the silence “That first time, when you kissed me. Did it mean nothing?”

 _What? Why would he be asking me that right now?_ “You said it yourself, it was just a game.”

“So you didn’t feel anything then?” 

I didn’t reply, I couldn’t lie to him, but I couldn’t tell him the truth either. Especially when my mind is so confused about Oikawa. I was staring down for a while before I felt his hand lifting my head back up to look at him, he had scooted closer and I hadn’t noticed. “I don’t think it was nothing for me.” 

I think the surprise feeling crossed my face, I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t really know where this conversation was going but that’s not what I expected him to say. _So, he didn’t mean it when he said it was just a game? Was he just brushing it off? Did he feel that spark? Did he-_

My mind went completely blank. His lips were on mine, for the second time this night, but this time it wasn’t because of a game. I closed my eyes but hesitated in moving any more, his hand that was still on my chin slid back smoothly into my hair and I could feel myself melting. He tilted his head with a part in his lips and now I responded, parting mine and allowing the kiss to deepen. My arms found way to loosely wrap around his neck, it felt like my whole body was having shocks race through it. _This is Kuro, he’s kissing me, he’s choosing to kiss me._ His free hand found its way to my waist as he lightly leaned his body against mine, I could feel his tongue and couldn’t hold myself back, I wanted that taste again. I entangled my tongue with his and felt my mind spinning. Was I drunk? Maybe a little bit, but no alcohol was as intoxicating as this right here, as Kuro. A soft pleased sigh fell from my lips and I could feel Kuro’s hand in my hair grip harder. I loved this, and I wanted more, at this moment that’s all I could wrap my head around. I’m not sure what exactly it was that possessed me to nip down on his lower lip, but the tug at my hair and subtle gasp that came from Kuro was enough reassurance to give me the confidence to tug it, letting it fall from between my teeth as a hand of mine slides into his hair. I felt the hand that was once at my waist was now rubbing against my thigh and it felt like my brain had entirely disintegrated. I am usually the one to keep a level head throughout any situation, but this was an exception, there was no way my mind could even begin to wander or think rationally at this point, the alcohol didn’t help, but Kuro was just too mesmerizing.

I didn’t want the kiss to end, even though my breaths were beginning to shorten the more my heart raced, I wouldn’t mind kissing Kuro until that last breath, but atlas he broke away. He tracked his lips along my jawline before following down my neck, I bit my own lip as I muffled a moan when he bit into my neck and began sucking on the spot, my hand tightened its hold on his hair. I want to feel his skin, his warmth, all the edges of his muscles and- without realizing it my spare hand was tracking down his chest and making way to his hips, my hand was shaky, my body was aching from the desire and without being conscious of it, I was nervous. I began to fiddle with the button of his jeans, even as I did so the ends of my palm brushed against his growing bulge, I wanted a better feel but my hands were so shaky. Finally I got the button undone, but just as I did so I felt his hand catch mine, he was placing kisses on my neck but stopping my hand from going any further. My mind was still so hazy I couldn’t process, so I pulled back to look at him. He returned my gaze but didn’t say anything, instead he pressed a kiss on my lips before pulling away.

_Oh, right. He probably thought about... someone else._

This was the second time after making out with Kuro I felt my heart completely drop. He chose to kiss me this time, but that doesn’t make him mine.

He didn’t say anything before standing up, my hand that was still on him fell as I stayed sitting there for a few more seconds, “We probably should be heading back” he reached out a hand towards me, _why do I actually feel like crying this time? I don’t ever cry over anything._ I sighed as I took his hand and let him hold mine for a little ways of the walk. 

He finally broke the silence “My phone kept going off, I figured they might have noticed I was gone…” I didn’t notice it in the moment, but I did feel that constant buzzing from his pocket, _still it felt like he was trying to explain, for what? To make me feel better? Why’d he bring me out here, to kiss me then reject me?_

“So, you mean Tsukishima finally had enough of seeing us both missing.” I don’t need you to lighten the excuses.

“Probably…” I let go of his hand and went to start walking ahead, as I was about to say something he grabbed my hand again and pulled me, making me turn to face him. 

“I meant what I said, I really do feel something with you, and I know I really care about you. It’s just… complicated right now, because of Tsukishima, and also Oikawa. I know he has been all over you, and I don’t know I- After I saw you two together the first time in the closet, it shocked me, honestly. I never… I don’t know, I just never considered you might like guys. I was going to ask about it during our turn, but then you kissed me, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that kiss. I’m sorry... I’m probably making no sense, and you might...you might hate me after tonight, I just... need to figure things out…” 

I wanted to be mad, I wanted to get upset at him, but I couldn’t find it in me to do it. Frankly, I’m confused too. And I never really put any thought into my sexuality before, so it makes sense he was surprised... I don’t know what to do. 

“It’s fine, Kuro. I’m not mad at you, you can take your time to figure out whatever you need to.” I said it, and I think I meant it. Of course I’m still upset but I can’t really be mad at him directly. I don’t know what my own feelings are, so I can’t expect him to know his. 

I pulled my hand away again and turned to walk towards the house. Kuro stayed where he was, I don’t know when he started walking back. Despite having only walked in the sand I had sand everywhere, so I tried to brush off as much as possible before putting my shoes back on and heading back inside. I saw Tsukishima from across the room, he was looking directly at me but I just turned and kept walking. I made way to the kitchen, I poured myself a double shot and took it before making another strong mix drink. My thoughts are even more of a mess than they already were, I need to drown them out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't uh - mean to make Kuroo kinda the bad guy, but oop


	9. Beach House Disaster (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning, that's all I gotta say  
> Part 2 of 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some foreshadowing in this chapter that hng, makes me a little bit sad

I was pouring my shot before I gasped as I felt hands wrap around me from behind, I looked up and saw it was Oikawa, _fuck, how long was I gone? Do I say anything?_

“Hey there you are” He said before leaning in to peck a kiss on my cheek. I can tell he’s had more to drink, “Want to go sit in the living room?” 

I nodded and followed him back to where the others had been hanging out. There was only one spot on the couch open, so I was getting ready to sit on the floor before Oikawa took my hand and pulled me to sit on his lap instead. He wrapped his arms loosely around my waist as I leaned back against him. _Oikawa, he makes me feel safe, comfortable, wanted. I enjoy my time with him, he’ll come over and play video games with me, or just sit around with me while I study, goes to eat with me. Kuro used to do those things, but he hasn’t in a long time._

I twist to my side to be able to face him, he looks at me for a moment with a smile before he raises a hand to brush my hair from my face. “You’ll probably need to shower to get all the sand that blew into your hair.” _Shit, how did I get sand in my hair too?_ His thumb rubbed against my cheek and continued down as his eyes followed his hand, rubbing his thumb over my neck before he looked back up at me. I wasn’t sure if I should reply about being outside, but I don’t know what I should say either. 

I didn’t have to contemplate for long, without saying another word he pressed a gentle kiss to my lips, soft, warm, calming. _Why am I still even debating between Kuro and Oi- Toru._ I part my lips as I silently request more than just a simple kiss, and without fail Toru responds promptly deepening the kiss. It didn’t cross my mind the room was filled, I doubt anyone really cared anyhow. Trying to move as smoothly as I could, which admittedly, wasn’t so smooth, I turned my body to completely face his as I straddle his lap, he pulled back slightly as he had a hand on either side of my hip and smiled for a moment. He really is pretty cute. 

He raised on hand to the back of my head and pulled me back, this time in for a more aggressive kiss, his tongue was all over mine in almost an instant, he was so warm. My hair got pulled back, causing me to tilt my head upwards making me breathe out a low whimper, probably unnoticed by anyone else considering the music was louder, as the kiss broke. Toru had his hand knotted in my hair and his other hand had slid back to hold my ass. I could feel him pecking random spots along my neck and each time felt like more and more of a tease, like it felt good but yet I wanted more, and he knew it. He was enjoying teasing me. 

“You two have a room, ya know!” I wanted to block it out, but regretfully heard Bokuto yell. I turned my head to look at him but instead ending up looking behind him. Kuro and Tsukishima had both entered the room, just entered? Or maybe they’ve been here a while. Either way, they were both looking at me. Kuro was the first to look away, saying something to Bokuto I didn’t listen to as he laughed, acting normal as ever. Tsukishima didn’t break his gaze, _did Kuro tell him anything?_

Breaking my own train of thought, Toru whispered in my ear “Shall we continue this upstairs, then?” I looked back at him and pecked his lips quickly before I got up from off of him. I stumbled a bit but managed to keep my balance. He took my hand and started leading me out of the room. 

As we were leaving Nishinoya was entering. I didn’t really look at him, that was until “Damn Oikawa, you really just out here planting hickey’s in the middle of everyone, huh!?” and laughed. _Hickey? Toru couldn’t have left… Oh, fuck._

“What can I say, when I want what I want…” he trails off and winks as he wears his typical smirk. 

_He knows. He has to know. How could I not have checked if Kuro left a hickey…_

Toru led me back upstairs, but I felt a knot in my stomach, was he going to say anything?

Once we get back in the I couldn’t help it I had to say something- “Toru I-”

He cut me off immediately by pressing a kiss to me lips, when he pulled back by a few centimeters he whispered “Oh, Toru? I like that coming from you, you should use it more often.”

“But I-” again, he cut me off.

“No, I don’t care.” He said abruptly. I didn’t get another moment to think about it before he began to kiss me again, but just as he did downstairs he started off aggressively off the bat. A muffled sigh slipped as I faded away from my thoughts. _If he didn’t know, then he didn't want to, and if he did know, he didn't want to hear it._ There’s not much I can do about that right now, but I couldn’t deny how sweet his kisses was, and as we stumbled towards the bed this seemed much more appealing than talking, and especially thinking about Kuro.

I felt my back hit the bed, Toru was over me. As I looked up at him I felt that wave of reassurance, it was like everything else in the world can fade away, but this moment, us right here, that’s all that matters right now. I raise my arms to wrap around his waist as he leans in, he pecks his lips against my neck, but instead of teasing me again he bites the spot and sucks on it. It was the opposite side that Kuro did, _I’m going to be covered_ , but I didn’t care about that right now. My nails dragged across the cloth of his shirt as my breaths became heavier. He kissed over that spot before placing some pecks lower and bit again. I really believe this may just be my weakness, I couldn’t resist the moan as it passed my lips before I could even think about it, I pushed my hips up to graze against his and he replied by pressing his body down against mine, grinding and causing even more friction. I yearned for more of his warmth, I slipped my hands under his shirt, running my fingers smoothly along his side before he decided to bite again, I dug my nails in his skin briefly. My mind was nothing but haze but trying to keep myself collected I tugged his shirt up. Pulling away from me, Toru first grabbed my shirt, forcing me to lean up so he can tear it off before taking his own shirt off. When he came back down the feeling of our bare skin pressed against each other was too good, this is what I needed, and to have it be with Toru… I had no worries. 

Thinking about last time, he said that we didn’t do anything because I didn’t want to. It may have been rushed, but I wanted to tell him that now, I’m ready to. My hand grazed along his side before sliding in between us, he had his lips against mine and the moment he bit down on my lower lip, I squeezed my hand cupping his hardened bulge. I never really thought about what Toru would look like, but faintly feeling through his jeans even the thought made me hungry. I was so distracted I hadn’t paid much mind to the fact he already had my jeans unbuttoned and was sliding his hand underneath the waistband of my boxers. He smoothed his hand down my v line, almost as if stalling and waiting if I would interject again, but as he noticed I wasn’t going to this time and I pushed my hips against his hand for further confirmation, there was no more hesitation. His cool finger slid down the warmth of my length and I could feel my entire body shiver with anticipation. He wrapped his fingers around me as he pulled my cock out from the restraints of my pants. There it was again, the subtle amount of teasing, I could feel myself twitching and throbbing for his touch, and yet he only faintly ran him fingers up and down the length. I was desperate for more, so instead I took things into my own hands. I unbuttoned his pants with ease and slid my own hand into his boxer briefs, _fuck._ I cupped his cock again, this time my bare hand was against him, I wanted him so badly my body almost felt like it was on fire.

I followed as he did and freed him from the restraints of his tight jeans, getting a good grip around him as my hand began to pump. I could feel his body shiver as he let out a breathy moan. His thumb from his hand still wrapped around me rubbed around the tip and then across the slit, did he mean to make me feel this desperate? My breaths were short and heavy, but somehow I managed to whisper “I...please, I need you Toru…” my mind was spinning and all I wanted more than anything else was to feel the complete pleasure of Toru. 

With a gasp escaping my lips Toru had grabbed both my hands and forcibly held them above my head. He let them go and I faintly starting moving a hand, but he instant grabbed it and put my hand back in place, I could see the slight smirk forming on his lip. He pulled back again, this time I left my hands in place as he gripped my jeans and boxers, ripping them both off of me. He took a moment, just running his eyes from my toes all the way up my body. Once he reached my eyes he widened his smirk, god I never knew I would like that smirk as much as I do right now. He then grabbed his own jeans to rid himself of them before he leaned back in and had a hand holding a tight grip over the ones I had over my head as his other traced along my jawline before detouring and he dragged a finger across my lips. I parted my lips as my tongue peaked out to hit the top of his finger which he then put the finger in my mouth, I looked up directly at him as I wrapped my tongue around it and sucked before he promptly added a second. He was biting his lip and the sight was just adding more moans mixed to the ones already pouring. 

He pulled his hand away as he leaned down, he dragged his tongue against my collar bone before taking a few nips from it. I could feel the finger I had just coated circling around my hole as I whimpered desperately. I knew I was growing impatient, but god was I hot for him right now. He brought his lips back up to mine as I kissed him hungrily, and as I did he pushed a finger inside of me. I instantly bit down on his lip as I let out a louder moan than I had before. I could feel his finger moving in and out as I pushed my hips down pleading for more. Almost as if accepting my plea, ever so slightly, he pushed in another finger, my breath completely caught and he gave me a moment before again beginning to move with those two. I had no idea this could feel this good “God, Toru…” I muttered.

I already knew how much I needed him, my body was aching and just had the strongest desire for more. I felt his hand pull out from inside me and almost immediately that hand was gripping my hair, he let go of my hands and gave me a jerk forward. I sat up slightly as he sat up on his knees, he was within reach and I bit my lip at even just the sight. I raised a shaky hand as I wrapped it around his cock, pushing myself to lean in before gliding my tongue around the tip. I could hear the sharp cut in his breath, but all I could think about was just getting a taste. I wrapped my lips around him, I felt his hand twitch before gripping my hair tighter. I took my time working down the length, getting used to his size and savoring the flavor. I slowly took my head back and forth before picking up some speed and bobbing my head, pushing my tongue up against the bottom as I had muffled moans falling against him. 

He didn’t allow me to stay long, I definitely wanted more time taking him in, but he pulled me back and again I was laying down, his hand that was in my hair had now shifted to on my neck with a light hold. He lifted one of my legs before he positioned himself, I had coated him well so with ease he pushed inside of me. A loud sharp moan came from both of us, but mostly me. “Fuck, Toru I-” I wanted to say how good it felt, how much I wanted all of him in me, but my voice was failing me as he slowly pushed himself in deeper. He leaned back down closer to me as I wrapped my arms around him, and as I tilted my head I caught his neck, picking the spot at random I sucked on it. I was so needy to touch him in every and any way. He groaned as he muttered my name and started moving. My whimpers were loud and consistent, for never really even talking loud this surprised even me. Surely if anyone was nearby they would hear me, but that wasn’t a concern of mine. As he found a steady motion, my hips responded accordingly and rolled against his own at rhythm. I could hear his moans and it only made the air sweeter. I didn’t realize but my nails were dragging down his back, the feeling was so overwhelming pleasing it was as if I couldn’t even handle it. 

It took some time, but with the persistent throbbing I slid one hand between our bodies as I wrapped it around my own cock and began pumping. My legs starting shaking as I felt like my entire body was getting ready to give in, I bit my own lip as I struggled to find the breath to mutter “I-I’m so close” Toru, who still had a light grip over my throat, tighten his hold, my mind went completely dizzy but in the best way, I didn’t know I would like this, but right now I was nothing short of loving it. He also increased the pace at which he was thrusting into me and as did my moans and curses fumbling from my mouth. My entire body became completely unsteady as I could feel the climax happening, I came in my hand and between our bodies and it was unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. It was only moments after that I could feel the warmth of Toru as he came, his hand that was on my neck moved as he slowly eased out from me and collapsed next to me in bed. It took me a few moments for my mind to function even slightly and my breaths to begin to calm down, but as they did I turned my head to look at Toru. He was already looking at me and smiled gently before placing a soft peck on my lips. I smiled in return and after a short pause I muttered “I think I need a shower.”

Toru let out a laugh before nodding “Let’s go take a shower.”

The shower was in the room right across the hall, so Toru opened the door and peeked his head out, the hallway looked clear so he motioned for me to follow as we took our chances and ran the short distance across the hall and into the bathroom. As I was about to close the door behind me I noticed the door to Kuro’s room was open, not a lot, I couldn’t see in the room much, but I was pretty certain it was closed when we had come up. I brushed it off before closing the door. 

Toru was starting the water and holding his hand under it to wait for the right temperature. I walked over to him and rested silently against his arm, god my legs still feel so shaky. He tilted his head and kissed the top of mine “Okay, I think the water is good.” I stood straight again as he got into the shower and I soon followed. It felt good to have the water running over me. 

He put his arms around my shoulders, it looked like he wanted to say something but was hesitant. Finally, it came out “I really like you, Kenma.” I looked at him for a moment, mulling over his words, although tonight has been an absolute roller coaster, I think one thing did become clear to me tonight. 

“I like you too.” I leaned up and placed a quick peck on his lips.

After the shower I caught a glance in the mirror, I had a number of marks trailing my neck, that's going to be noticeable. I noticed the one from Kuro wasn't that dark, he probably hadn't meant to leave one, but either way the ones Toru left would distract from it.


	10. What could be... (Kuroo's POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same night but Kuroo's POV  
> I felt like this was a necessary add to fully understand his mindset and get a better understanding for his feelings

I was sitting outside Tendou, Tanaka, and Atsumu as we passed around a joint. Kissing Kenma for the second time.. _There’s no denying it, there’s definitely a spark there. I can’t get it out of my mind again, and it’s driving me crazy. I know Tsukki feels I’m off tonight, and I’ve just felt so guilty I’ve downed even more alcohol, and now I’m just trying to push everything down and get crossed. There was no way Kenma felt nothing, right? There was so much tension, we both wanted that kiss._

Oikawa and Bokuto came out. Oikawa is probably the last person I want to be around tonight. I’ve been doing a pretty good job at blocking out the fact that Oikawa has clearly been after Kenma, but walking in on them in the kitchen earlier really had me feeling the heat tonight. I have no regrets on breaking up their moment. 

I was sitting close to the door, Bokuto went to sit by Tendou as Oikawa leaned against the frame of the door. Why did he have to stay so close? I took a hit of the joint as it was passed to me, and though I didn’t have much choice, I offered it to Oikawa. He knelt down beside me and took a hit. I wasn’t paying him much mind, but even then he leaned in close to me and almost whispered “Once I get Kenma, you’re not gonna have a chance.”

I looked at him through the sides of my eyes, he had a serious expression. _Was he trying to challenge me on who could get Kenma first? He’s not a prize…_ but even still this made my blood boil. Despite them spending time together, it didn’t make the thought of them being together any easier. I still hated it, and I hated him. _That could have been us… if I had known before he was interested in guys I might have...I don’t know what I would have done, but I would have still done something._ I took a sip from my beer, but I couldn’t take sitting next to him anymore. I made the excuse of going to the bathroom and slipped away.

As I was walking towards the kitchen, I passed the living room and noticed Kenma was just sitting there with Akaashi. I took a glance around, I wasn’t sure where Tsukishima went, but maybe this could be a good chance to actually talk to Kenma, and see what’s going through his head.

...

After getting him out to the beach, I didn’t exactly know how to come and talk to him. I was drunk, maybe a little bit crossed, but I had to be honest with him. I could tell he was surprised as I told him the kiss didn’t mean ‘nothing’ to me, but he doesn’t seem confused. That leads me to believe, it might not have been nothing to him. I’m not imaging the tension and I think.. I think I just need to go there.

I knew I was getting lost in the moment, getting lost in the kiss. Kenma was right here in front of me, we were kissing, and all I wanted was to shut out the rest of the world, I wanted this right here, this piece of the beach, to become our entire world. 

But unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. My phone was going off, reminding me the real world was still here. I couldn’t go further with Kenma, not here, not now, not like this. We’re drunk, and I have Tsukki waiting for me… I can’t help but hate myself right now, what am I doing? 

After I pulled away I could tell Kenma was upset, and I can’t blame him. _I’m such an idiot._ I don’t even know what’s happening, it’s like I’m moving, my body is moving, but my mind is just watching everything happen. 

I finally head back inside, I see Tsukki right away, he’s not happy. As he walked up I expected him to be mad, ask me questions, maybe he knew Kenma was with me. “You didn’t answer your phone.” He said flatly.

“Yeah, I’m sorry I-” he didn’t let me finish apologizing before he put his hand around the back of my neck and pressed a kiss against my lips. I don’t know where it came from, or why it was he did it, but I don’t think he wanted any answers tonight. Or maybe, he was trying to prove a point, _I am his._ That could be just overthinking, though.

I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before heading back into the living room. First thing I see, Kenma sitting on Oikawa’s lap as they make out. My stomach felt like it dropped to the floor, _what is wrong with me? I am trying to keep my head focused, but I just can’t help wishing that was me. That was me, a few minutes ago. I doubt Oikawa knows that though._ As Kenma turned around to look at Bokuto he looks at me instead. _If I could...I would pull him off that guy’s lap and take him with me instead, if only I could…_ But instead, the one taking him off, is Oikawa.

We stayed downstairs for a while, but drinking the water started to sober me up, which in turn just made me hate the night even more, I just wanted to lay down and sleep instead. 

I think Tsukki could tell I was getting tired, since he leaned over “Do you wanna head up to bed.” I looked at him with a soft smile and nodded. He took my hand and we walked back upstairs and to our room. But unfortunately, that gave me no ease. _Why the fuck did I pick the room next to Kenma and Oikawa again?_ I could hear them… and that’s the last thing I wanted tonight, especially if I was going to be sober, I was only getting more and more irritated. 

I tried my best not to show it, Tsukki made some comment but I didn’t really hear, I just laughed it off as I changed from my jeans into some shorts and an old tshirt. Tsukki walked up to me and wrapped his arms around my neck as he placed a kiss on my lips. I wanted to be able to block out Kenma, block out everything that’s happened, block out my feelings, but I couldn’t. And naturally, Tsukki could feel something was off.

“Can you seriously not get him out of your mind?” Tsukki’s voice was irritated, he probably had wanted to say something all night but this finally was the last straw.

“It’s not like that, it’s just- I don’t know. Oikawa, of all people?!”

“Why does it bother you so much?”

“Because… He’s just my best friend you know, for him to be with a guy like that? He’s going to get hurt.”

“And what kind of guy should he be with, a guy like you?”

“I’m not saying that, it’s just… I don’t think they’re good together.”

“There you go again, thinking you always need to save him when he doesn’t need saving.”

I sighed and shook my head. _I didn’t want to argue, I didn’t want to have this conversation at all for that matter, I don’t even really know what to say._ I think that only irritated Tsukki more though.

“Well, you can sit here and enjoy hearing Kenma getting fucked by Oikawa yourself then.” He turned to leave but I reached out for his arm “Tsukki wait-” he paused for a moment, but again I didn’t really know what to say. He pulled his arm out from my hold, and this time I didn’t reach again. As he opened the door, he didn’t look back, but he just had to add “Sounds like Oikawa is making him plenty happy right now” before he left.

I fell back on the bed, I didn’t even have enough energy to get up and close the door. 

There was such a big pain in my chest, it felt like there were thousands of kilos weighing on my heart right now. How could I feel so miserable? I'm not going to lie, I have always been in love with Kenma, I probably realized that soon into High School. But, I always accepted that I could never be with him, that he would never return my love. And for a while, I thought I was okay with that. I buried myself with other people, just getting by and thinking I didn't need a relationship, the one I love doesn't love me, but I was okay looking out for them and being their best friend. All the years of that, it's crushing me. Now I learn maybe I did have a chance, and it's really fucking with me. 

I do like Tsukki, I do. At first I felt like he was just hooking up with me to get over someone else, and that was okay because that's what I had always done. But it grew, it became more than that. I was fucking everything up, with everyone. How am I just so miserable?


	11. A Surprising Breakfast (Akaashi POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just for my AkaBoku heart, that's all. Small fluff chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi POV

The house was pretty quiet. It seemed like everyone was still in bed asleep, there were more than a few people wasted so I'm not surprised. I got some juice and made myself some toast. As I was eating I could hear someone shuffling down the stairs. I waited for them to appear and soon I see Bokuto shuffling in rubbing his eyes with a yawn still coming out, he honestly can seem so childlike sometimes. 

“Mornin’” he said mixed with his yawn.

“Good morning~ Want breakfast?” He looked for a moment, as if to say ‘I was about to get something myself, but if you're offering…’

I got up and waved him to go sit. I pulled the eggs out for the fridge and grabbed a pan, setting up to make us each some scrambled eggs. I made some more toast and prepared it all on a plate to offer him. He gave his thanks and a grateful smile before he began to eat.

“Hey Akaashi…” About half his plate was done as he sat pushing his fork around the food. 

“What's up? Was something wrong?”

He shakes his head. “I was just…” he trailed off, _should I be worried about something? Was there something wrong?_ I was already feeling nervous at how this sentence was going to finish, I didn’t even notice Bokuto lean forward, catching me off guard when I found the warmth of his lips against my own. He pulled back slightly and bit his lip before muttering “Sorry, that was prob-” I didn’t let him finish that sentence this time, instead I returned my lips to his, properly kissing him back despite the shock that still shot through my mind. Sure it wasn’t the first time we’ve kissed, but it was the first time we weren’t both drunk.

As I pulled away, I could see Bokuto smiling. He was looking down for a few moments before looking back at me “Hey, when the season is over, can I take you out on a date?”

 _Was this for real? He really isn’t drunk? No, he’s surely sober._ “I…” was honestly at a loss for words. I could see his eyes searching mine for an answer, he was serious. I relaxed my expression with a faint smile crossing my lips “I would love that.”


	12. Breakfast in Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, again I just ended up liking Oikawa/Kenma more than I expected to so I enjoyed making cute little moments, this is the last fluff chapter

I woke up laying in Toru’s arms, he was still asleep so I quietly nuzzled myself deeper into his arms, he was so warm. I had a small headache, but it was nothing bad. I closed my eyes again and at some point drifted back to sleep, only to be woken up some time later by Toru shifting around. I lean up to look at him as he gives me a weary still half asleep smile. “Well good morning” he mutters. I lean in and peck his lips “Morning.” He smiled as he wrapped both his arms around me tightly and pulled me further against his chest.

When he slipped out from bed, I went to grab a shirt and started shifting to get out of bed. He turned around and threw his hand up signalling for me to stop, I blinked. “I promised you once I would make you eggs, so I am going to go to that. You wait here.” He flashed a smile before turning and disappearing out from the door. I fell back into bed, doing my best not to let my mind wander on much of what happened in the beginning of the night last night.

It didn’t take too long before Toru was, slightly struggling, to balance two plates and also two glasses. “Don’t get up! I got this, I got this!” he said immediately when I moved even slightly. He laid a plate of eggs, toast with cream cheese and a sausage in front of me while placing a glass of juice at the side table. “This actually looks really good-” 

“Well try not to act so surprised.” He chuckled as he sat himself again beside me, cutting off a piece of sausage with his fork and grabbing a bit of the eggs he offered me a bite that I happily took. It looked good and it tasted good, who would have thought this man was this multi-talented.


	13. Dreaming of Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TIME SKIP: 3 months after last event.
> 
> Halfway through this chapter I decided to throw in a curve ball so uh, there it is

TIME SKIP: 3 MONTHS LATER

I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better past month or two. I’ve started seeing Toru regularly, Kuro and I took some time, but lately we’ve been hanging out a lot more and things feel like how they should be. We never really talked about that night from the beach, but we seemed to be fine. The team has been doing extremely well in their season, it’s only got a few weeks left. Things have just been... simple. And that’s the best I could ask for. 

Yesterday was the last game for this whole week, so today they had practice and Kuro said he wanted to swing by and watch a movie with me. I think whatever tension between Toru and Kuro has died down, and now when Koru says we have plans Toru doesn’t really interject like he did at first. I don’t know if Toru and I are official, but I guess it feels like we are. Tsukishima and Kuro seem to be doing fine as well, I don’t really ask.

When Kuro came by I had already picked the movie, it was a classic horror movie. We’ve seen it before, but it was probably when we were in middle school. “I totally forgot about this movie! You remember when we watched it in your room? God, how old were we?” he laughed as he saw the movie I picked.

“I thought it might be fun to revisit it.”

“Do you remember how scared you were? You kept hiding in your blanket!”

“I was a kid, I doubt I will get that scared this time.”

We started watching the movie, admittedly I was a little embarrassed I was ever scared of this movie, it was honestly awful, but I suppose for the time it was good. I did, however, get cold. Having one blanket I ended up sharing with Kuro, who then wrapped his arm around me. I was laying on his chest which wasn’t totally uncomfortable. We were about halfway through the movie before Kuro randomly interrupted the movie “I think I’m going to break up with Tsukki when the season is over…”

I looked up at him, I didn’t really have an answer for that, I also don’t want to pry too much…

“I don’t think if we broke up it would affect him in game, but I don’t want to add that kind of stress on him or the teammates.” 

“Oh…” was all I could manage to get out. He didn’t add anything more, so I wasn’t sure what else to do but to lay back down on his chest and finish watching the movie. 

After the movie, we talked a bit, about random nothings. Things about the team, classes, sharing random old memories. The room was dark but nothing but my monitor lighting it with the title screen of the movie. Kuro had started playing with my fingers but eventually we just ended up holding hands as we talked and I was still laying on him. 

“Hey Kenma, you don’t have to answer but...when did you know that you liked guys?” 

I don’t know why he was bringing this up but I just shrugged “I don’t think I ever actually thought about it. It was just one day presented in front of me, and I was okay with it.”

He didn’t say anything, he was actually quiet for a while before finally breaking silence “I was always in love with you, but I never thought I could have a chance, since we’re both guys. I didn’t want to lose you, so I settled for our friendship. I thought I could be happy with that.”

 _In love with me?_ I can honestly say I didn't expect that. Thinking back, it makes sense, the jealousy and that night, but I was still caught off guard by it. I leaned up slightly to be able to look down at him “Were you not happy with that?”

He looked at me for a moment, his eyes, they looked...sad. He barely got the word out, it was whispered so softly under his breath, but faintly I could hear the “No.”

I can’t explain it, but I had such a big knot in my stomach, and I couldn’t bring myself to break the gaze as he looked at me. I had no words, what could I really say, _sorry maybe if you had acted on it things could have been different. Or how about hey, I was pretty convinced I was also in love with you, yeah that would surely be a winner. What could I even say in the situation?_

Kuro was still holding one of my hands, but the other one reached up and cupped my cheek, I naturally leaned into it without much thought. I heard him suddenly whisper “I’m sorry” but before I could ask why he was apologizing, he leaned his head up and was pressing his lips to mine. Instantly, my stomach felt like it was turning a thousand different directions at once. It was like I was frozen, but yet I wasn’t rejecting his kiss. I feel like I should pull away but…God, it’s like every time we’re here in this situation, I completely give in to him and can’t bring myself to say no. My mind is a mess and I can’t hold a single solid thought right now. 

Nonetheless, I tried to pull back, I tried to gather my thoughts and process what was happening, but as I pulled back Kuro’s hand that was on my cheek slid to the back of my head and pulled me right back in, this time he had parted his lips. I hesitated, taking a few seconds before ultimately parting mine, allowing him to tilt his head and making me completely melt. There it was, those shocks that just course through my entire body, every single time Kuro is close to me in this way, it’s like fireworks are going crazy inside of me. I wanted to pull away, but Kuro also wasn’t giving me that option. I’m sure if I really tried I could certainly break the kiss, but a part of me, although feeling guilty, didn’t want to. I wanted to believe that I didn’t have a way to move, that I had to accept this kiss, but really deep down I know I didn’t try hard enough to break it, because I liked it. There was simply never a way for me to deny Kuro. I was also so enticed by all the feelings I could sense in this kiss. It was as if Kuro was explaining exactly how he felt right up against my lips. Here I was, I was mesmerized.

I could feel the wetness of his tongue as it glided across my lower lip, I again hesitated. I knew what I should be doing, and I wasn’t doing it at all. I’m not sure if it was the fact I was hesitating or it was simply a response, but I could feel his tongue push its way past the small part of my lips, and making its presence in my mouth. I didn’t mind its entrance, in fact I had to force myself to cut off a soft whimper that was passing my lips. It felt so warm and god, that taste. It’s one that I could recognize in an instant and probably never get enough of. I was really just so weak for Kuro, I probably couldn’t admit that truly until now, but if that was anyone that could completely melt me it was him. 

It was quick, but also gentle, when he flipped our positions. I found my head laying on the pillow that was below him as he was leaning over me without breaking the kiss. My heart was beginning to race at this point, I couldn’t keep my thoughts straight but I still had that underlying feeling of guilt. He broke away from the kiss and I bit my own lip before starting to mutter “Kuro I-” my breath got caught in a gasp as I felt his lips against my neck, _fuck._ It was like the room was spinning and any thoughts I had were slowly fleeting. He bit my neck, but I could tell it was a lot more gentle than the last time, he’s making an effort to not leave any marks. My hand found its own way to Kuro’s hair as I tilted my head up, giving him more access to my neck. My breaths were slowly getting heavier and my body was getting warmer. 

I felt as though I was just going through the motions, and I can’t say with certainty but I think it was the same for Kuro. I don’t believe either of us were expecting this tonight, and maybe it was all because Kuro decided he can’t hold back his feelings anymore, but ultimately we found ourselves here. Here, in my room, making out, shirts have come off and my jeans were unzipped. I looked up, my vision felt so hazy, but still I could see Kuro. He was over me looking at me with such gentle eyes. Kuro always had such a caring loving heart, and right now I could really see it. “Kenma… I love you.” he muttered softly. I reached my hand up to touch his cheek, and as I did everything seemed to fade away. 

I jolt up to find myself, alone, in my own bed. It was morning and I had woken up from my phone ringing. It was a call from Hinata. I sighed as I dropped my phone, I’ll call him back later. I groaned as I fell back onto the bed, curling up into the blanket. _What the hell was that? Was I seriously about to have a sex dream about Kuro?_

I pulled the pillow out from under my head and threw it over my face instead. _This fucking sucks. Why was I even having that dream? And why am I so pissed that I woke up?_ I let out a loud unsettled groan muffled into my pillow before tossing the pillow away and staring at the wall for a while. What does this mean?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL The ending was kinda BS, but, wait for it...


	14. Reality of Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Kenma be able to shake the feeling of his dream?

It had been a couple days since my dream about Kuro. I kept replaying in my head and each time I felt more embarrassed, as if if someone else could read my mind I would die right where I stood. It was Friday, and the next game wasn’t until Tuesday, but still practice ran long every day. 

It was probably close to eleven when I found myself walking to the volleyball house. I don’t know why, since I didn’t have plans with Toru for today, but anything was better than sitting in bed and replaying that dream for the millionth time this week. I walked in and in the living room was one of the other members, I didn’t really know him well, Okumura I think his name was? 

“Hey, is anyone else around?” I asked, he looked up from his textbook with a greeting smile before shaking his head “I’m pretty sure most of the guys went out to the karaoke bar to grab food and a few drinks. There might be someone around though.”

I nodded as I turned from the room, I was about to head out before “Kenma!” I turned around to see Kuro walking out from the kitchen and down the hall closer to me. _Shit._ It wasn’t like I had been avoiding Kuro this week, I just couldn’t stop replaying… 

“Everyone else is out, but if you wanna hang you can come up to my room!”

“Why didn’t you go out with the rest?”

“I had a paper to finish and I didn’t want to wait until Sunday to try and cram it. It’s mostly done though, so come on.” he motioned for me to follow him upstairs.

I felt a lump in my throat but I swallowed as I followed him up. I watched as he walked over to his bed, grabbing his laptop and making a few clicks before closing the screen and putting it on the nightstand. He turned around as he walked over to the edge of his bed and sat “I’m pretty hyped for the game on Tuesday, I think we got a new attack down pretty solid and when you see it you’ll really be impressed!” He continued on about some things about practice but honestly, I couldn’t even hold my attention onto him for too long. I had seen Kuro, but being right in front of him now my mind kept throwing me flashes of my dream. What it was like to feel his warmth, taste him again, feeling that shock, I couldn’t get my mind off of it. But, I need to get it together.

“Are you okay?” It was like I could hear Kuro but my mind was not processing. “Kenma!” I snap my head to look at him as he repeated his question. “Oh, right I’m fine.” It didn’t seem like he believed me but slowly he started falling back into what he was saying. It seems like he might have gotten tired of me zoning out and not telling him what was on my mind, because mid sentence he cut himself off and walked up to me. I took a few steps back and hit his desk, he stopped confused. “Kenma, tell me what’s up.”

“I…” he was looking at me with anticipation, he had those caring concerned eyes. He was a few steps away from me, but I could still feel the heat of his body, _god, why am I acting like this? How could a dream mess me up this badly?_ Still, even though I knew I shouldn’t, I just wanted to kiss him. “I had a sex dream about you.” _Oh god, did I seriously just blurt that out? This should be the part where I could use my escape rope and teleport back home, or maybe I lose all life points and respawn. What would he even say to that? I’m such an idiot. He’s not even saying anything._

Kuro paused for a moment, as if his brain was unable to process what I had said. But I could see the smile creeping up on his lips promptly before he erupted in laughter. _I want to die._ He laughed for a minute as I looked away, well I’m glad someone finds this amusing, I was getting bitter. He walked up to me as he was still trying to shake his laughter to speak “Oh man, did you really? Was dream me still just as good?”

I could feel my cheeks heating up, I couldn’t bear to look at him now. “I don’t know… I woke up.” As if I would even have anything to compare it to. He laughed again but as he settled down a bit more he put a hand on my shoulder “Ah don’t sweat it. There’s nothing wrong with that, it happens to everyone, you can’t help it.” I looked up at him, I wanted to tell him more, I wanted to ask him about his feelings. Maybe I wasn’t crazy and he does feel some of those things. Maybe my subconscious was giving me insight, maybe I wasn’t making it all up because I wish he had said all those things. 

He knew me, although my expressions were subtle, he could still see the frustration. He softened his voice as he kept a lighthearted smile “Was that all?”

What could I say? How do I express how I felt about what he said, and how I wish it had happened. I could tell that he saw my serious expression, and started taking it more seriously himself. He was waiting for a reply, I know he was, but I couldn’t think of anything. Instead, I was just gazing up at him as he looked right back at me. “Kuro, I…” my voice was barely a whisper. I couldn’t bear it, he was right in front of me, it was just us, he was here and it wasn’t a dream. _Stop, don’t do it_ , I know what I’m about to do, don’t do it. But, I did it.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned up, quickly pressing a kiss to his lips. I felt his arms twitch, as if it were his reflexes about to kick in and push me away. I waited, I waited for him to push me away and I would feel even worse than I already did. Maybe he should push me away, maybe I needed that, that would have been for the best. But he didn’t, his arms didn’t make it up to push me away. Instead, I felt him relax and lean into the kiss. _God, this is what I wanted but why am I so terrified?_ It was like I couldn’t move, I was locked in this kiss but I was completely clueless on where to take it. 

Kuro placed his hands on his desk on either side of me, leaning down even closer to me, and as if on queue we both tilted our heads opposite directions and parted our lips. My hands around his neck tightened, I was certainly the more eager one in the kiss, but I couldn’t stop myself now. It was a complete 180 from a few seconds ago, but I was so needy, I had this craving that was finally starting to get the attention it desired. I couldn’t stop. Although Kuro wasn’t denying me, I still felt like he was playing it cautious, letting me take complete control as if to say this can stop whenever you choose. But, I didn’t want it to stop, I may hate to say it, but I didn’t. I flicked my tongue across his lip, and although there was a moment of hesitation he allowed me the entrance to explore his mouth and entangle our tongues. It was like a burst of pure ecstasy, it was so satisfying to feel like I finally filled a hunger I was craving so badly. But, I didn’t want it to end here, I didn’t want my dream to end and I won’t let this end here. I scooted myself to sit slightly at the edge of this desk, my legs parted making room for Kuro’s body to fit. I lowered one hand to his belt loop and lightly tugged him to press against me, pushing my hips back forward to cause some friction. I could feel the pleased sign between our lips come from him and found his hand was holding a light grip on my thigh. 

I didn’t want to break away from the kiss, although my breaths were getting short and I probably needed to pull away for at least a few seconds, but instead of returning into a kiss I turned my head to start kissing down his neck. His breaths were sharper, he may be careful not to make any sound but he can’t hide that he likes this, especially as he was wearing joggers and there was no denying that he was also getting heated. My jeans were feeling tight, my dream had built me up with so much anticipation it didn’t surprise me I got turned on immediately, but Kuro wasn’t far behind. Maybe, he had also thought of this moment before? Maybe that was more wishful thinking… Either way, he was liking it.

My heart was pounding, I was sure Kuro must be able to tell. I lifted my head back up, my lips were hovering over his as I toyed a hand down his chest and abs. It passed the waistband to his joggers, as it was covered by his shirt, so I ran my fingers over his bulge barely contained by his boxer briefs. His breath cut short and I could feel the silent sigh he let out from his lips. I slid my hand underneath his shirt. I could feel the warmth of his stomach on my fingertips as I went to slide my hand under the band. My body was burning, I wanted to feel him against me.

“Kenma-” Kuro’s voice was shaky, it sounded as if he didn’t have the breath to finish the sentence immediately even though I knew what he was going to say, but even if he was to continue I cut him off “I- I don’t want to talk, please…” I didn’t want to wait for a reply, instead I pressed back into a kiss and let my hand slide between his bare skin and the waist to his boxers. His hand on my thigh tightened its hold, but I still felt the rest of his body relax. I was almost scared to move my hand. Knowing that when I do I’ve officially crossed a line I won’t be able to go back from. But the thought of pulling away now felt so much worse than anything that crossed my mind in those few short seconds. _Fuck it._ I slid my hand down, I could feel his warm hard cock ready for me to take in my hand. Kuro muffled a groan and I promptly hit back with a moan as I wrapped my cool finger around his heated shaft. My heart felt like at any moment it was about to pop right out, but not even that would make me want to stop. I pulled my spare hand down, giving his joggers and boxers a tug out and down, allowing me to free him of the little restraints of his pants and slowly smooth my hand that was around him from base to tip, stopping to rub my thumb around and across the slit. For being so desperately needy I was surprised that even I could manage to take my time, feeling every bit of him slowly. He bit down on my lip as I started to slowly pump my hand with a fair grip. His breaths were getting heavier and I could hear the faint moans mixed in. _God, I need more._

Almost as if Kuro was thinking the same, he pushed me back by my shoulders, causing me to let him go before he grabbed my shirt and pulled it right off. It seemed like Kuro was holding back at first, but the line was right there and I stepped right over it, pulling him along with me. And now that the lines were crossed, it was like a whole different side to him. I went to reach for his shirt, wanting that off of him as quickly as possible, but he caught my hand and instantly pressed a hungry kiss to my lips. _I see, so you’re making it clear I don’t have the control anymore. I’m not against it…_ I could resist the moans from muffling into the kiss, this felt better than my dream. The shock pulsing through me, they were real and exhilarating, his taste, I want more. It’s here, this is what I wanted and it’s better than I anticipated, better than I remembered. Amidst the kiss he pushed me back further, causing me to lean my arms on the desk to hold myself steady. He was fumbling with the button to my pants, it felt like this was also something he desperately wanted just as much as I did.

He lifted my hips up slightly, I shifted some of the weight to my arms as he got the initial tug of my pants down before I could lean against the desk again and he pulled the rest of my pants off. Swiftly making his return to my lips as one hand wraps around my waist and the other rubs against my thigh and mine makes its way to knot in his hair. “Fuck, Kuro..” I whined between our kiss, he made me so unbearably hot it was a mystery how I had any ounce of composure left at this point. And with that, seemed to knock out the composure that he had left. He picked me up as I wrap my legs around him and moves to the bed, dropping me down as he was over me. I gave a tug to his shirt, this time not taking no for an answer, Kuro complies pulling away and allowing me to slide my hands up from his sides to then pull the shirt off and throw it to the side.

He then slid his hands down my legs before going behind my knees and pulling my legs apart and slightly upwards. I was mesmerized, I couldn’t find myself looking from him as he held my gaze but slowly moved himself down, dropping a kiss to my abdomen before another on my thigh. I bit my lip harshly, the sight of him, touching, kissing my body, that alone could drive me absolutely insane. He then looked up at me once again, my breath completely faltered and my head fell back, it was almost too sweet to be looking at, it felt as if this wasn’t real but still the feeling of my boxers getting pulled off was real. A sudden gasp stole my breath as my hand curled against the blanket, I could feel his tongue and his warm breath brush against the tip of my cock. _Teasing me, now? What an asshole._ He appeared he can tell that made me more fidgety, as I could sense the smirk on his face. He wrapped his mouth around the tip this time while swiftly sliding his tongue along the slit. “Kuro, I c-can’t...fuck…” I tried to say, beg, for no teasing, I couldn’t take it. I needed him in a way I’ve never needed so badly in my life. But, with that his tongue was now against my entrance, causing a shiver down my spine as I moaned, doing my best to not be so loud, even if there was only one other person home I should still be careful. 

I could feel every movement of his tongue around me, inside me. It was driving me insane with more desire than I thought possible. I wanted to beg for him already, but even though my voice was failing me from being able to find the breath to speak, Kuro was taking his time on purpose. He liked to see me this needy, this hungry. I hated it, but I also loved it. He took his time, entering one finger, then two, I was responding eagerly, pushing my hips down against him. It felt like forever, but Kuro pulled away, and although I whined not wanting to part, I was still in anticipation. Kuro pulled off his joggers and boxers in one swift motion before he was back to my lips sharing a hungry, very needy kiss on both ends. I felt him fumble at his nightstand, but being too entranced in the kiss I didn’t care what he was looking for. 

It wasn’t long before Kuro broke again from the kiss, but this time he paused for as a moment, he simply had a gaze on me. It was soft, and it didn’t feel sexual, like, he wasn’t looking at me and thinking about what we’ve been doing or were about to do, but he was simply looking at … me, a deeper part of me. It made my stomach flutter as I lifted my hand to his cheek. He leaned his cheek into my hand before dropping a peck on my lips, and then following the trail to my jawline and down my neck. 

Then, with a louder-than-I-meant whimper I could feel him as he pushed inside of me. “F-fuck, God…” Was the most I could mutter, my entire body was racing with jolts, there was simply no words I knew of to describe it. He gave me a few moments to adjust but as I wrapped an arm loosely around his neck and slid my fingers through his hair he began moving, in and out of me slowly. I tugged on his hair as he steadily began to find a rhythm, the room was absolutely spinning and with each thrust it was just shock waves of pleasure. He had his hand on my leg, keeping it slightly lifted and causing him to be hitting just the right spot. It was almost feeling too good to bear. I tried my hardest to contain the moans, but even still they were pouring out along with a few curses and rolling out Kuro’s name as well. My free hand was gripping tightly onto the sheets and tugging them needing to hold on to something, anything. 

I don’t know at what point it was, but Kuro placed his hand over my lips, I looked up at him as I bit my inner lip, feeling as though he was trying to get me to be quieter, _oops, I forgot I was supposed to be doing that._ It was difficult as he hadn’t stopped moving, I so desperately wanted to moan. I didn’t realize at first, but the reason Kuro had placed his hand over my mouth was because you could hear the collective voices downstairs. _Shit, everyone came home._ Still, my thoughts couldn’t linger there for long, Kuro hadn’t stopped and having thoughts on anything else was impossible. I felt the shiver run through me, I felt Kuro remove his hand from over my lips to instead wrap around my aching cock between us. I bit down even harder on my lip as I turned my head to bury it in the pillow to muffle any sounds. He pumped his hands in sync with his thrusts and everything went blurry. I felt as though I had no air, or maybe I forgot to breathe, as I felt a wave of overwhelming pleasure. I didn’t even have a chance to say anything, heed any warning, before I came in between our bodies. My legs were trembling as my both hands clenched, one on the sheets and the other in Kuro’s hair. It was only a few moments before Kuro was there, I was still trying to keep quiet as I muttered his name longingly, and he followed suit and came, I swear I could listen to those moans forever. We were both out of breath and I couldn’t help my legs from shaking, as Kuro fell onto the bed next to me I turned and wrapped an arm around him. He pulled me close as you could hear us attempting to regulate our breaths, and people coming upstairs and to their room. I licked my lips and swallowed, I didn’t want to move or say anything, I wanted this moment to stay like this, but that wasn’t a real option, now was it?

“Is… Tsukishima supposed to come up?” 

Kuro didn’t reply at first but he then reached over and grabbed his phone, checking it for a moment before shaking his head “No, he’s back at his dorm.” I relaxed a little again as I briefly closed my eyes, just taking in the moment and trying not to think of anything else just yet. Once I seemed to be okay I got up, Kuro looked at me and I gave a small smile before whispering “I should probably not get caught here.” There was a pause but Kuro eventually nodded “Right.” 

I went over and grabbed my boxers and jeans, putting those on before looking for my shirt. As I found it I walked back over to Kuro “I’ll...talk to you later?” He nodded with a small smile. As I was about to walk out, he called out softly “Hey, you can tell me next time how I measured up to dream me.” I couldn't help the blush that flushed my cheeks, _God I hate him for bringing that dream up, how embarrassing._ But still I could hear him chuckling softly.

I figured everyone was in their rooms, so if I’m quiet I can probably get out. I walked out into the hall and I heard footsteps coming up, _crap. Do I go back into Kuro’s room? No, I’ll go to the bathroom._ I turned to walk into the bathroom but right as my hand reached the handle “Kenma!?” I turned around to see Toru with an excited smile, he seemed a little buzzed.

“Hey, you’re home. I came over earlier to see you but you weren’t around.”

“Okumura mentioned it, I thought you went home by now though.”

“Since Kuro was here I just stuck around for a little, he was writing a paper-” _God, I hate that I had to lie. I don’t think I would take what just happened back but, I don’t want to hurt Toru either… But, we’re not together right? Or like, together together? Even still…._

He started taking a few steps closer and I flinched “Ah! I- actually really have to use the bathroom, give me a minute?” _I still have cum on my stomach._

“Of course, meet me in my room then.” He flashed a smile as I disappeared into the bathroom. I sighed as I began to clean myself up, _what was I even supposed to say now? I can’t exactly mention it even if I wanted to, if Tsukishima knew…_

I got a text; from Kuro “You spending the night with Oikawa?”

 _What do I even say? ‘Yes, but I wish I had stayed in bed with you.’ ‘Yes, because I didn’t plan this out.’ ‘Yes, I am confused on how I feel all over again.’_ I put my phone away without replying, I’ll explain later...if I even have an explanation.


	15. I Probably Shouldn't But....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That line has officially been crossed between Kenma and Kuroo, but the secret isn't out, yet, so....

It’s been a few days since Kuro and I hooked up, and I’ve noticed he’s texted me more often, and there have been a few flirty messages, not that I have a complaint. I don’t know yet how to feel on the situation. Kuro is still with Tsukishima, I’m kind of with Toru? But, I’m pretty sure Kuro didn’t just go along with things for the sake of going along, he wanted it. So where does that leave us? Maybe I ask too many questions, I don’t know.

Either way, today was a big game, the season is down to the top eight college teams, and this is when coaches of the pro’s and sponsors start watching to see who the next big player will be. I hadn’t gone to many of the other matches, but there were no classes this week so I rode with some others to the game location.

As the team went to go warm up I found my seat with Tendou and Daichi in the audience. They were going off about a few things, there were other former teammates of theirs and my own that were playing today, so I guess there was a lot of excitement going around. 

My phone went off, I got a text; from Kuro “Hey, could you come to locker room C real quick?”

I didn’t mention anything to the others, I’m sure they’ll figure out I’ll be back soon enough. I got a little lost but eventually I found the locker room and opened the door. I took a few steps in but the place seemed empty, maybe I got the wrong room? I was about to turn around when suddenly I got swept up in someone's arms and there was a kiss pressed against my lips, Kuro. I could recognize those lips in an instant. I relaxed in his arms and returned the soft kiss before he pulled away with a smile “I just needed some pre-game luck.” 

“Oh, is that so?” I replied before pressing another kiss to his lips. We hadn’t had any physical contact since that night, and despite the headache of the trouble of what is going on, being in his arms seemed to melt the world away. There was a half wall between the door and lockers, along with a slight ramp up to the lockers, to prevent someone from seeing anything if they accidentally opened the wrong door. Kuro guided us from standing behind the half wall as he pressed my back against the lockers, kissing me as if he didn’t want to stop, despite us both knowing he only had a few minutes before someone came looking for him. Even still, making out with him comes over caring about that. 

I broke the kiss and looked up as I bit my lip “Maybe, I could give you some extra luck?” Kuro raised a curious brow before he raised both brows in surprise as I lowered to my knees. “I have to be heading back out, they could be coming in any second looking for me.” he said, but the smirk on his lips wasn’t completely agreeing. “I guess I’ll have to be quick then.”

He was about to argue, but before I could give him the chance I tugged down his uniform shorts, coming face first with his cock. I figured he would be hard, since he seemed to turn me on so effortlessly, it appeared I was the same for him. I wrap my fingers around his shaft as his breath hitches. Guess I don’t have time to tease him as payback for last time, but I’ll get my chance. I wrapped my lips around him, slowly working down his length as I could hear a quiet moan press through his lips. I worked back up wrapping my tongue around before beginning to bob my head. His breaths were heavy and his hand was knotted in my hair, I could faintly hear the curses mixed in with it. I felt his hand instantly let go of my hair as he snapped his head, the door had opened and it was Noya poking his head in “Yo, you good dude?”

The wall was completely blocking him from seeing me, so I made the conscious decision to not stop. Kuro took a second to try and keep himself collected before he smiled “Oh I’m good!” He pulled his phone out smoothly from his jacket pocket “I just had to return a phone call. I’ll be out in a minute!” 

Noya waited for a second but as Kuro managed to hold his gaze with a smile he nodded “Alright, don’t take too long otherwise Coach will kick your ass.” He chuckled before leaving.

Kuro relaxed his shoulders as he bites his lip with a smirk, putting his hand out to the half wall to balance himself as he muttered “You… are an asshole” but with those words he rolled out a moan. He says that, but I think he clearly liked it that he almost got caught. 

They won their game that day.


	16. The Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seems like Tsukishima has been waiting to drop a bomb, what does he have up his sleeve?

Yesterday was the last game of the season, our team came in third but there were a lot of prospects for pro teams, so that was good. Kuro mentioned wanting to talk to me now that the season is over, but the only alone time we’ve had wasn’t filled with much talking.

I was over at the house for lunch and it was just Kuro, Toru, Tsukishima and I in the kitchen when I caught Tsukishima’s gaze on me before he turned to leave a peck on Kuro’s lips, followed by him suddenly announcing “I think we should have a day off to celebrate that the season is over, and we all got offers from pro leagues. Why don’t we go to the movies, double date?”

Toru looked at me, silently asking from my response. I hesitated but I heard Kuro say “I think that’s a good idea!” I looked over at him briefly before looking back at Toru and nodding. 

It wasn’t too much longer after that that we were there at the theater. Kuro picked an action movie and we all agreed so we were waiting in line to get some snacks. It felt a little awkward, being on a ‘double date’, the only time I’m ever around Tsukishima is when it’s also with most of the other team, so being in such a small group felt off. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, I just wanted a breather and to wash my hands. What was I going to do? Surely, things can’t go on forever like this. Secretly talking to and seeing Kuro, he said we should talk soon so maybe we can settle this out together. I don’t even know the outcome I am looking for, but at the very least there needs to be something decided. I really like Toru but...I’m more sure than ever that I love Kuro. 

I sighed as I dried my hands. I went back to the line to find Kuro alone and almost in the front “What happened to the other two?”

“I sent them to go get seats for us.” 

Tsukishima went willingly? I feel like he wouldn’t choose to go off with Toru, and much less leaving me to help Kuro with the stuff. But I guess it’s what happened anyways. We ordered a few things and both went to walk towards the movie. As we opened the door to the already dark theater Kuro turned and stepped in front of me. “We can talk tonight, sound good?” I nodded before he pressed a soft kiss against my lips, lingering for a few seconds before he pulled away and we found the others to sit with them.

The movie was uneventful but okay, afterwards Tsukishima suggested drinks, which Kuro bought and we drank upon returning to the house. It was still just the four of us, I guess the others made different plans. 

Most of us were tipsy, Tsukishima was questionable, he was more over Kuro than normal. It didn’t bother me but...I just couldn’t help but wonder what the sudden change was. I could feel his gaze on me every now and then, it felt almost like when I first found out they were dating and he was trying to make it a point that they were together. 

We had some more to drink, although I don’t think anyone was drunk, but no one was having a bad time, surprisingly even me. That was until Tsukishima decided to stand up “Wait, I have this funny joke I want to read out to you guys okay! It’s a text conversation.” He forced out a small chuckle before he started reading. I wasn’t really listening but after a few seconds I noticed Kuro tense up. I looked at him as he went from looking at Tsukishima to staring at the floor. I started listening, and at first it made no sense to me, and then I got it.

_Fuck._

Those are texts between Kuro and I.

I hesitated for a moment, but I looked over to Toru, who was simply staring forward. Was he listening? Did he know what was going on? 

I felt a huge lump in my throat, _shit, this wasn’t a part of the plan. How did Tsukishima…_

I snapped out of my thoughts as Tsukishima sat back down, practically slamming his phone down on the table as he stared directly at me “Isn’t it hilarious?” he asked sarcastically, but this time he wasn’t faking a laugh or amusement, his face was dead serious. “Oikawa, you do know what this means for you right?” 

I was still hesitant to look, but I could see Toru nod. He seemed very calm for knowing what was happening… 

“The fuck are you nodding for? Are you not mad? You got played. By these two. By Kenma.” 

Toru turned to face everyone now, he was as calm and steady as always “I already knew.”

“You _knew_?” Tsukishima’s voice was rising, he was just getting more and more angry by the second.

“You had to have known too Tsukki, you’re not dumb. You know just as well as I do that it was inevitable to keep those two apart, I know you saw all the same signs I did. No, maybe you saw more than I did, I don’t know. I knew since the first night at the beach house, I could never win Kenma’s heart. I wasn’t going to have the chance to be with him forever, that was an undeniable fact. I just...still had to try. So yeah, I knew this would come to this. I guess 'I got played'.”

_Ouch. Why did that hurt so much? Setting yourself up for failure for the sake of knowing you still tried? That sounds reasonable for most cases… But, it feels so different when that’s love on the line. I remember that night at the beach house, Kuro had rejected me right when I thought I had a chance, and it hurt me. Have I done that to Toru? And even that same night, he saw the hickey, but he didn’t want to hear it, it was because he knew…._

“That’s absolute bullshit.” Tsukishima didn’t want to hear it. “Kuroo, you’ve been quiet long enough, nothing to say?” I could see Kuro wanted to say something, but Tsukishima continued “I don’t want fucking excuses. You make up your mind, is it me or him?”

_What? What’s happening, how did we even get here? It’s been maybe three weeks of having a little fling with Kuro, but Tsukishima is smart so I can’t be surprised. But to drop this so suddenly? I don’t even know what I would say._

“Kuroo, do you pick Kenma?” _Stop it. This is so much pressure, and all I’ve done is sit here looking like the evil mastermind that played everyone….am I? I should say something...but I can’t._

I looked over at Kuro, but I honestly wasn’t expecting anything. I couldn’t expect him to say he picks me, _what would he even be picking? We don’t even know what we are, this is all so new we haven’t processed it and… maybe it was a mistake._

“Kenma, get out.” Tsukishima didn’t need a reply from Kuro, he made up his own mind. I had a good feeling Kuro wasn’t going to hear the end of this conversation any time soon, but maybe it is best if I’m not here. Maybe he won’t feel pressed to choose me if I’m not here, maybe he’s being considerate to my feelings. Regardless, leaving seemed like the most sensible thing to do. I got up and headed out, walking towards my dorm. It was only about a minute from the house when Toru ran up and just silently started walking with me. I stopped, my eyes were glued to the floor and I couldn’t bring myself to move or say anything for a minute, maybe longer. When I did look up, I hadn’t even realized there were tears streaming from my eyes. “Toru I-...I’m sorry I-” He looked away for a moment before taking in a deep breath and wrapping his arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. I couldn’t stop the tears even if I wanted to. Why was I crying so much? I did this to myself, did I not suspect there would be some kind of consequence? That someone would be hurt? The calmest one out of everyone is the one who surprised me the most, however. _Toru, I’m so sorry I made you feel like that._ But, I couldn’t get the words out without choking on them. Anytime I opened my mouth it was like I was gasping for air and Toru was just holding me, telling me everything was okay. But it’s not okay, is it?

Toru walked me back to my dorm, as I went to sit down on the bed and looked up at Toru “I’m sorry...I didn’t know you felt that way but... that isn’t an excuse.” 

He gave me a weak smile and sat down next to me “It’s okay, I knew where this would end and I accepted it anyways. Can’t say we didn’t have a good time while it lasted right?”

I had the hiccups now, but I nodded. “I really d-did enjoy my time with you…”

“Everything will be fine.” He pressed a long kiss to the side of my head and after he grabbed a water for me. 

Before he left he stopped at the door “You know, I fought for something that made me happy, even if I knew it would only be temporary I thought it was worth it. You still have your chance to fight for what makes you happy, so long as you think it’s worth it.” 

_Does he mean I should fight for Kuro? I don’t even know how… I don’t even know what he feels or what his head is at. Look at what a mess I made…_


	17. Saying Goodbye

I haven’t seen or talked to Kuro in almost two weeks. I stopped going to the gym to eat with the volleyball guys, although Toru still comes and checks up on me sometimes. I tried to text Kuro, but the message never delivered. I assume Tsukishima blocked me… I guess I can’t blame him. I just had to be an idiot and blow everything up.

The season is officially over, some guys got offered to go into the pro’s while either leaving school or continuing online. I don’t have much of an idea on who’s doing what, Toru kind of avoids the topic. 

He was sitting with me as we ate, but I mostly picked at my food. He paused for a moment and seemed to be in thought before he put his chopsticks over his soba bowl. “So… Tsukishima got picked up by a team in Europe. He’s going to finish out school online… I also got into another league…” he trailed off as I looked up at him.

“That’s amazing, when are you leaving?” 

“In a few days”

“Oh... That’s really quick... But, I’m really happy for you.”

“Yeah, they want me out right away to start training with the team… but, thank you!” he paused for another few moments “Kuroo also had some offers, I think he made a deal with one of the teams to join next season, so he can finish off another semester.”

“Oh…” So Kuroo will be staying, for now.

“If it’s not too much trouble, I want you to go to the airport with me. I’m meeting up with a friend I haven’t seen in a while. He’s been overseas but he came back to visit family and will be traveling with me, but it’d be nice if you’d send me off.”

“Of course. I’ll be there” I gave him a smile, I was kind of sad to hear he was leaving so soon, but that’s what happens especially in the sports world, you see your friends going all over the globe. 

The last few days with Toru flew by, I didn’t expect to be as sad as I was to say goodbye, even though I knew we would stay in touch anyways. He gave me a peck on the cheek “Remember Kenma, you deserve to be happy. So go out and do whatever you need to do to be happy.”

It was only a few minutes later I heard someone calling out to Toru. He turned around and with a huge smile began waving “Ah! Iwai-chan” He ran over to him as the two embraced. 

_Iwaizumi huh? I remember him. He was the one Toru was really close with but then moved to another country after graduating._ Toru turned back to wave at me one last time but stopped for a moment, I was smiling at the two of them. _I think, it may just be a feeling, but I think Iwaizumi makes Toru happy. I could be wrong, but I think it’s in the same way I had always been with Kuro._ Toru smiled back before waving one final time and going to catch his plane, onto the next big chapter of his life.


	18. I Love You

Slowly the team dwindled down, some new guys came, some guys stayed either waiting to finish their education or just taking more time before moving on. 

I was standing outside the gym, I knew they had a meeting and it should be over any minute. Everyone left, but I didn’t see the one I was waiting for. I waited a few extra minutes, surely he wouldn’t miss a meeting. Right as I was about to call it quits, Kuro comes out. He was about to keep walking until he spotted me and he stopped. He hesitated for a moment before walking up to me. 

I took in a deep breath “Kuro, I-”

“Kenma… wait. I need to apologize. I haven’t been able to find the right words to say...and I’m sorry that I haven’t come to talk to you. Everything was so hectic and I felt so guilty for not saying anything that night. Like, for god’s sake I couldn’t get a single word out when I-”

“Kuro, I love you.” I could have let him say what he wanted, but all of it would have been in vain. I was never mad at him, I never once thought he should have said something or picked me right there and then. That situation was far too stressful to expect so much. I just...I needed to fight for what makes me happy now.

Kuro seemed frozen for a moment, _maybe he was going to say that he should have been honest that he had no feelings for me, maybe he was going to say he felt embarrassed for me to be there when he wasn’t going to pick me. No, I need to stop thinking. No matter what he says, it’s okay. I’ll fight for what makes me happy, for who I love._ Kuro expression almost looked, relieved? He stepped closer to me and leaned down as he placed a hand on my cheek before pressing a soft kiss to my lips. It was brief, but it still made my stomach flutter.

“I love you too, Kenma.” It almost felt unreal, to hear those words from Kuro? It was such a bliss moment, while also feeling like three tons were lifted off my shoulders. He...loves me? I couldn’t help but smile.

He reached for my hand as we started to walk together. “So… I’m staying in school another semester.”

“Where are you off to after that?”

“I’m staying in Japan, so don’t think you’re getting rid of me so easily.”

“...Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if this ending felt short but, they went through so much, OIkawa has left, Tsukki is leaving which eluded to him and Kuroo finally breaking up, and just letting the two have each other. I don't know, I could be wrong, but I felt they needed some simplicity.


End file.
